Sins of the Daughter

We should emulate the ethics of our Asean neighbors. Resignations are not only courteous but moral. There is a willingness to admit guilt, even on suspicion. Andsanguinity, as proven by the recent South Korean bruha-ha over nuts. The chief executive father of the involved airline executive, sadly a woman,  took the rap for his nutty daughter. She was not spared, though and neither was Korean Air.

Such swift action even in business! Mediation is like-minded, trying to help push the wheels of justice a little faster by lessening its load of cases. Prevention is the cure.

Rob It

Not a fan of fantasy, I watched the "Hobbit" movie as last choice.  Uninitiated to the franchise, my sleepy eyes after lunch were met by a parade of characters. When all else fails, just get the "diez" is my motto. So after the warfare, a magical crystal charm was returned. Or did it end the war? Or did I fall asleep? lol

Mediation is sometimes like a "long and winding road," too. Break it down, before it leads to a breakdown of individuals, relationships and groups.

For Sight

Now come firecrackers impounded at the Bureau of Customs therefore imported, but with Made in Bulacan, PH seal!!! Really enterprisingly ingenuous, Chinese mano- 2x facturers came up with this way out if ever their 'crackers were about to be confiscated in Bocaue. Too bad, they never reached their end point. Good for their prospective victims and the government!!!

Mediators should remember this incident when sifting through claims of disputants. There could be like-minded pre-meditation, and not of the Zen type!

Cain ng Cain

No, this is not about Pacman. Referring to biblical siblings in conflict. Cain started it all, right from the beginning.  Isaac was lucky to be unico hijo, with Sarah anyway, and was almost a goner. Then down the line to Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brooders...

As we celebrate the Feast of the Holy Family today, let us reflect on the State of the Family today.  Too many are in need of mediation, among others. Has always been.

Another Look at Cancer

From "60 Minutes" again, a Dr. Soon Shiong has a revolutionary take on cancer. After spending his own money on lab equipment that test cancerous cells, he concludes that these do not die like normal cells do, so the cure is to freeze them to death! Other remedies have just agitated and scattered them, he says. With the accompanying discomfort and other ill effects, too.

What a hopeful lifeline for patients to hold on to! They should not be asked to be more of their calling. Mediation, too, allows disputants to see issues from a different perspective, mostly from the other and the right side/s, thus alleviating their burden.

Studying Stalling

"60 Minutes" once featured a North Carolina company, Duke, in a river pollution complaint. When interviewed, Duke stated it was studying it. Someone commented that it was just another word for stalling.

Watch out for these delaying and evading tactics in mediation, too. Ask them to tell it as it is, to specify their plan and how they will implement this.

Santa for Real

In Brazil, there is more than samba this season. Cable news featured their about 500 post offices encouraging children to write in their wish lists. Donors, on the other hand, were welcome to drop in and choose which to grant. Processing followed in the post office, up to delivery. Sana for real dito din.

This is another out-of-the-box practical solution to one of today's problems. Mediation is another.

Pyraidmiding

No scam, just a prelude to the MMFF buffet of bore and gore! "The Pyramid" was one of this year's last choices for viewing by senior citizens. It was alright till strange creatures came out of the shadows. After the show, talk in the ladies' room ranged from amusement, disgust, regret, to gratitude for the free movie, anyway, in cool aircon comfort siesta time.

Sometimes in mediation, there are also disputants who are never satisfied nor grateful. Perhaps, that is the reason they are in mediation in the first place!

Uninvited Tiger

Check out tales for children-in-adults, too. This particular one had the elephant literally lording over the jungle. As usual, the smaller bodies and minds were fawning over him. They decide to pay Christmas homage and gather food for the feast at the elephant's lair. Except the feared tiger, who was banned from the plan.
Of course, the elephant didn't have EQ and promptly ate it all. So on Christmas Eve, they had no pie, nothing. Tiger to the rescue who said, "Don't be frightened, I only want to have you for dinner," which led to a stampede. "No, I' m inviting all of you to have Christmas dinner with me!"

That's clearer. Idioms, semantics, lingo can get in the way of understanding each other, as well as preconceived notions, biases, prejudices. Mediation should be above all these. Keep it simple, direct, straight-to-the-point. No Miss Understanding lol

Out-Standee Father

The price of fame and fortune is often being absent from family milestones, when you are miles away. Richard Yap of "Be Careful With My Heart," follows that title's advice. When he is away on location shooting during birthdays and anniversaries, the family poses with his resident standee at home and he is present in selfie, at least.

That is a creative way out of family LQs, and EQ in practice.  Mediation likewise promotes such ways out of simple but really frustrating situations, in varying degrees

Single Only, Please

Jennylyn Mercado is one tough cookie-actor. She is enjoying single motherhood, after getting over childhood abuse from a stepfather and the more recent heartbreaks, one involving physical abuse again. She is now in an MMFF entry, "English 0nly, Please."

She could be the poster person for women rising like the phoenix from abuse of any (un)kind. She is a natural, reveling in acting like she really is in the movie. "Got to be myself," could be the mantra of anyone in relationship mediation.

Counting Losses

Alopecia is stress-related baldness.  This experience was recounted in an Inquirer article by a female holdup victim.  Because of her gender, her condition was not kinder. Tired and emotionally sick of watching her crowning glory literally go down the drain, she gathered the guts and a friend to have her top fully sheared.

We see such "slow death" and wrenching pain especially in mediating relationships. And as this American once told Marcos during EDSA I, it might be "time to cut and cut clean."

Pure-is-he-ba?

After PNP Chief Purisima is finally suspended, he now chooses the implementing office.  His lawyers prefers the Napolcom over the LGU! Too bad for them, both are headed by one person, Mar Roxas.

These cheap, delaying tactics can also happen in mediation. Like in grieving, persons of interest also go through denial and compromise before acceptance. Mediators, after all are counselors for two.

Ashley Mad-ison

This person has upped the anti on cyber immorality. Righting  a wrong with another wrong (person), dissatisfied mates are urged to seek other prime mates. In one Sunday Inquirer column, George Sison played adviser and suggested the concerned person just seek permission from partner before philandering.  Who knows, partner might ask why and repent, improve, atone...

Advice is not mediation, but help nonetheless. It is imposed, no matter how enlightened.  It is alien to the couple, and may not be doable by them. Neither is it empowering, and the couple could be back for more advice, as chances of their implementing the original advice  is slim.

Wrinkled Gift

In keeping with the season's tradition, the Garfield cartoon featured John deciding on a gift for his vet friend Liz. How about an anti-wrinkle cream, he asks Garfield, whose thought bubble says, "You're going to be a lonely, lonely old man." lol

Watch what you say in mediation, or elsewhere. Tact before act. The end could be either success or buttress.
 

Jolly Chimp

As if we did not have enough human rights violations, now "a New York appeals court rejected ... an animal rights advocate's bid to extend 'legal personhood' to chimpanzees, saying the primates are incapable of bearing the responsibilities that come with having legal rights." Tommy the chimp of 26 years, in solitary (shed) confinement imposed by owner Patrick (s)Lavery, "should be released to a Florida sanctuary," claimed the Nonhuman Rights Project, according to an AFP report.

If only disputants in mediation cared for each other like the Nonhuman Rights Project does for Tommy. That would just be humane!

Japanese Silence

Other than for war atrocities and the Yakuza, the Japanese people are generally known for their serenity and discipline. These are admirable traits we could emulate in our daily lives, especially in the face of calamity. And during movie screenings, as experienced by our Indie presenter recently.  All throughout the film showing, the audience was quiet, worrying him. He approached a Japanese colleague and was relieved to know that they were just intently watching, not wanting any distraction. True enough, at the end, they broke into loud applause and appreciation.

In mediation, likewise, we have to be attuned to socio-cultural as well as religious differences. Could make a difference in settling the conflict.

Refreshing Enchanted Garden

Winds of change blow gently in the Enchanted Garden of Gawad Kalinga in Bulacan. Here, relocated families of informal settlers have rebuilt their lives anew and productively. They have new homes with gardens and livelihood to boot! Vegetation, of course, is a distinct possibility, with its accompanying herbal products. However, there are other creative pursuits like making of throw pillows with catchy names of vegetables, for instance. As always, the limit is just set by the mind.

This GK project disproves claims of informal settlers that they will go hungry in relocation far from Manila. They just have to feed on their hard work, discipline, community spirit and resiliency.

DisGrace of Family

Grace Kelly was indeed the Grace of Monaco. Looked down upon as a commoner daughter of a bricklayer though bigtime contractor from Pennsylvania, she learned French and other niceties of royalty. She also proved herself more loyal than her royal sister-in-law who was outlawed for cavorting politically with the French wrongman Charles de Gaulle.

Happens to the best of families! as often witnessed in mediation.

House of Mediation

In the animated movie "House of Magic",  there were so many mediatable cases. The main character-old magician was being bullied out of his house and into a nursing home, by a realtoro-nephew.  Thunder, the lost cat adopted by the magician, got pestered by the old man's old timer pet rabbit and white mouse. The latter, of course, has a longstanding feud with Thunder's species. In the end, everybody does his bit to save the old man from his mean kin. Mediation at work!

Fight Yourself

Mar Roxas had commented that he was not worried about his electoral chances vs. B-inay because the Filipino voters are intelligent. Feeling alluded to, Jejo-mar vowed to continue P-noy's fight against corruption. He who is now accused of such!

In mediation, beware of such idle claims from persons of interest. Interesting but empty, self-serving, contradictory!

Unlearning Helplessness

Inquirer columnist and UP Chancellor Michael L. Tan wrote of South African hero Mandela as the 16th Man of their 15-man union rugby team, whom he nurtured to most unlikely championship. Mr. Tan contrasted this positive passion with our very own Senator Santiago's reference to most Filipinos as "stupid." The latter could be another cause of our nation's "learned helplessness," or feeling hesitation in the face of challenges for fear of failure/ridicule. Witness the reluctance to answer in class or raise a question in a conference. No matter how right or valid. I'll take Grace anytime Poe!

Mediation is on the side Mandela. It develops both winners-winners in settlement of their own conflict.

Typhoon Tierra

We marked the first anniversary of ST (super typhoon) Queen Yolanda with another typhoon! When God handed them out, why did we elbow other nations in line? Did we mistake it for one at the US embassy or just at the MRT?

Our courts likewise are in a state of justice change, or at least should be.  There is already a deluge of cases, flooding of the courts, and a landslide of complaints of delays, postponements and corruption.  Mediation is the judicial Greenpeace.

Exodus to an Atheist

Ridley Scott's take on Moses is more military than Cecile B. de Mille's. Take it from an atheist. However, he also focuses on the sibling rivalry between Moses and Ramses, adding humanity to the warfare.

Or the reason for it! Mediation has seen so many Moses-Ramses!

Naked Proposal

Whenever the  APO fraternity makes its birthday suit- run in UP, I shudder at the possibility my eldest son could have participated init during his Fine Arts Visual Communications day. (Thankfully, though, he is an American citizen and can't vote for Brod Binay.) This year, there was an added attraction- one member chose to propose to his girlfriend!

Mediation likewise seeks the naked truth. No frills, too. Just real, to the core.

He's Back!

Like in Elm Street, ex-chummy of Binay, Mercado is back, dreadfully from a shopping expedition on the former's holdings abroad. However, Mercado insists he just visited his ailing wife while the Senate focused on the national budget.

Watch out for paranoia of guilty parties in mediation. They are afraid of their own really dark shadows and give themselves away, like fish hooked by the mouth. They make mediators' tasks easier, if not more interesting.

Mocking J-as tiis

Monday and Tuesday are cine ma and pa senior citizens day. This week, Mocking Jay was among the choices. For two hours of air-conditioned entertainment, why not? And it did not fail to provide additional insights, too. In the future, human values of family and animal welfare are still intact. Love, too, with good and bad implications. What was also consoling was the President's declaration that compromise is needed for progress. Of course, she was an upright leader!

Compromise is already available to people in conflict at present. All they have to do is approach the mediation table.

Here Comes the Judged

Nancy Binay is always around and inquisitorial when others are being investigated-except her father. However, she and sister Abigail come with Tius, Anthony with Abigail allegedly in SunChamp, and Simeon of Peerless Lion Corporation supposedly with Nancy in a Milky Way restaurant, says a Sunday Inquirer columnist. Out of this world!

If you live in an investi-gated house, don't throw tough questions.  They usually come back like a freezebi-nay!

Egging on (Eggshells)

A year after Yolanda, a prominent tv personality was practically pushing a town mayor to froth at the mouth and charge at his nemesis. Totoo lang!

The mediator, on the other hand, precisely removes the froth from the mouth of disputants to prevent them from charging at each other.

Face Off (Anger)

Mas-erratic episode is churning out more tales of woe. Drivers are coming out of the woodwork to add their charges against the embattled traffic constable.

A can of worms can likewise be opened during mediation. It is up to the mediator which can be used as bait for the fishing expedition toward the truth.

Court(ing) Danger

Just like exes meeting unexpectedly, court litigants Vhong Navarro and Cedric Lee met recently at a social gathering. Awkward!

Wouldn't have been so if 1) they had not been in that violent encounter in the first place, and 2) they had undergone mediation successfully.

Biblical Sons

BEAM channel had an early Advent presentation on biblical history, from Abraham to Moses. What strikes one is that human frailties have been around since then, but of course. Abraham's son Isaac passed his birthright erroneously not to elder son Esau as he planned, but to his younger son Jacob in connivance with Isaac's wife. Then, intergenerationally, Jacob favored his young son Joseph among the brood of 12. Of course, the elder brothers ganged up on him.

Familial stories like these are still so familiar; hence the need for mediation.

Mas Erratic

Boulevard bullies are outraging each other. Now along comes Maserati maniac.
Power of money vs. Power of authority on a tenuous balance.

Mediation has seen the likes of these. Precisely, its purpose is to be the equalizer, perhaps on the street intersections, too.

Reasonable Love

Following the Desiderata, I watch and learn to what actors have to say on how they live their lives. Aubrey Miles, for instance, is a revelation. In a GMA News TV Power House episode, when asked by Kara David the secret of her stable relationship with Troy Montero, Aubrey attributed it to "reasonable love," not unconditional. What a realistic view from reel life!

Mediation, likewise, has to be grounded and based on doables, and not reaching for the stars!

Grand Scheme of Teens and Tots

GMA News TV featured today, Thanksgiving, a grandfather seeking to be united with the two minor children of his murdered son. The widow now under suspicion,  has gone into hiding, leaving her children with her parents. The latter have filed for the minors' custody, which they already enjoy but added guardianship over assets.

Any mediator  for this case?

Love's Ways not Wasted

The Daily Bread today featured "Love finds a Way." It cited a cartoon of an old man securely locked in his apartment, receiving a valentine card slipped under his door. Then, in the movie "The Brothers Karamazov," Alyosha, concerned with his brother Ivan' s cynicism, just kisses him and melts his heart.

Mediation could use these acts of humanity, and not the ax to grind!

Fairer Sex

As the song goes in the "Flower Drum Song," "I enjoy being a girl." Today's Inquirer's Motoring Section, was another boost to our gender.  First, the first female Ford, not a car but a scion just rolled out- Elena, really great, great granddaughter of Henry I. As Vice President for global dealer and consumer experience, she recently re-opened Ford Tacloban and inaugurated their new Alabang facility.

On the home front, Jeanette Ipapo-Tuason's " listed "Common driving mistakes we women make (and how to correct them)". Truly "chic driven" as is the title of her column!

That is admission of guilt and atonement. No road rage, here. A dream disputant in mediation!

Justice, not Charity

That is how beloved Pope Francis describes feeding the poor in his talk before the Food and Agriculture Organization in Rome.

That should also be the mantra in mediation. Disputants are to receive and give each other fairness. However, no one is barred from giving more than is required. Better more, but never less. That would be bitter!

T'boli manners

 In providing cultural entertainment, T'bolis time them after dinner. Why? Because they "consider it bad manners to be eating while a performance is going on, since its core is always religious ritual."(Constancio C. Tejero's article on Lake Sebu in Sunday Inquirer, 23 November 2014) T'bolis put us to.shame.  First, they have long practised this basic courtesy which, until now, we lowlanders do not extend to our entertainers. Second, their religion permeates all aspects of their culture.

In mediation as in all other activities, those we consider inferior, backward, or different from us could sometimes surprise us pleasantly with a lesson or two. No type-casting, please.

Kind-red Spirit

Post script to the COPPS 15th anniversary celebration, we met a fellow advocate of judicial reform, or overhaul actually. Daisy Talion Arcilla Brett- Holt, retired school teacher from the Philippines, Nigeria and the UK, is the Chair of Worldwide Philippine Jury Initiative (UK) Ltd. With affiliates from the US, too, she spends her own money to spread information, interest and approval, and to translate these to about 7M signatures for a people's initiative on the jury system of justice. We have found a bigger Don Quixote than us, mediation advocates!

Policing the COPPS

Who guards the guardians? Thanks to proactivity, the Christian Officers of the Philippine Police Service (COPPS) has been training under the Ateneo's Center for Family Ministries
(CEFAM) on counseling their subordinates.  Mediators are also.being called in to settle disputes between cops and wives. In fact, we were invited to the COPPS 15th anniversary today. Prepare for ceasefire at home!

Shooting the Messenger

Evasiveness could be taught by Binay in post graduate school. Original copies of incriminating evidence have gone with the wind and dismissal of the case. Even persons of interest have gone into hiding but hopefully not into the next life. In their place have come forward claimnants to the contrary. If all else fails, absolve yourself by denials, no shows in fora and by fawning. Last resort, so far, is to claim others are doing it too. Shoot the whistle blower, hopefully again, only figuratively.

Mediators best follow the Binay bruha-ha for free lessons. Watch and learn!

Family Feud

Sometimes families play games that could lead to hunger, if not death.

Mediation seeks these conflict groups. Rules are revisited, or set if non-existent. So with human qualities that are supposed to have been in place, in the first place- honesty, fair play, compassion...  Like!

God's Positioning System

With all the scientific wonders today, it is still best to place our trust in Him Who never conks out, runs out of power and energy, and can be trusted all the time.

While not everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord can be believed, especially during these V.ery P.erilous times, mediators can more or less see who are really faith-full or just a fool.

No Singsong

DPWH Secretary Singson was a credible resource person on the Iloilo Convention Center. He talked sensibly, cool and was ready with the data on the design of the building. More so,
Secretary Singson offered to resign if proven that he got money from the construction.

Now, that is a dream person to deal with in mediation!

The Blocked Swan

The Daily Bread is not only inspirational, it is also informational. Last 13 November, for example, it mentioned that you do not feed swans on the lake because "if  the birds were fed once, they would become aggressive if they didn't get fed the next time."

At times, during mediation, you wonder how the conflict reached that point facing you. And how each side had contributed to that end.  Nip it in the bud!

Saint Paul the Mediator

Like a true Chrustian, Saint Paul followed the Great Mediator's example. He entreated Philemon to forgive the failings of Onesimus.

Mediators, how many Philemons have you reunited with Onesimuses?

Me jurada y juez

Manuel Mejorada is the latest whistleblower to face the Senate. He is also into the latest source of information- wikepedia with a dash of good old whispers.

Mediators are thus advised to check the sources of claims.

Interstellar Wars

In the movie Interstellar, before Cooper went with his crew on a space odyssey, he had terrestrial conflicts with his children's school administration, and with his daughter who did not want him to go. Then, in outermost space, he had disagreements that were literally out-of-this-world with his crew.

Mediation is earth-bound so far. Perhaps, on future space shuttles, a mediator should be on board.

Look At Another Angle

This was the big idea of the Big Hero 6 movie. It was when our little Hiro was upside down that he got to solve his scientific dilemma.

Mediators are likewise advised to seek the points of view from all sides, negotiate a happy and just balance toward a resolution acceptable to all.

African Territorial Disputes

This is one for a wild-animal whisperer. "Born to be Wild" featured an animal world war between a lioness and a hyena laughing, all the way to the bank- of the river. Animals imitating humans? Meerkats (not mere men) were likewise shown looking left and right before crossing the street!

Mediators prefer working with conflicted humans, who are hopefully humane.

Old (Check) Issues

Former Makati Vice Mayor Mercado pulled a Corona-esque revelation last hearing by showing Binay's several foreign bank accounts. All quiet on the VP front this time. No old issue lament, no denial. Otherwise, can PH claim it, especially if proven to be (not so) hidden wealth now? Check mate!, Dra. Binay.

Mediators should likewise be on the look-out for such breaks that shed light on the truth-gathering during sessions with disputants and their respective pieces of evidence.

Tiu and False

There are light moments in the Senate hearings on VP Binay. One such pun was spoken by Senator Cayetano as he related his banter with his staff- that Tiu is also false in this case.

In mediation, that cannot be true, pardon the pun we couldn't resist! True is true, and false is false, as in anywhere else, ideally.

Sewers and Cooks

That first word does not refer to waste, but to weavers of tales. The third word is not about the kitchen, but the propensity for plots. These characters were mentioned during the Senate  inquiry on Binay.

Mediators could likewise encounter these unsavory personalities. They could waste time and be hot-tempered in an effort to push through their hidden agenda. Watch out for them!

E Bola pala

The rumor that the dreaded disease has entered the "Philippine area of responsibility" is partially true. In fact, has been around ever since we have had elections. Binay is its poster boy. He pretends to be poor, denies allegations of corruption, and projects all his faults on his accusers, aside from threatening them. To his trusted minions belong his bank accounts.

Mediators should beware of the likes of B-inay!!! Ask for proof, documents or some other evidence, other than self-serving pronouncements, delaying tactics and too much protest.

Past Tense

That is the title of a coming local movie. How like the situation of disputants before mediation!  Afterwards, they can look forward to future peace of mind and with others.

Copy Catch

Copiers not of the xerox kind, were caught with Cobonpue carbon copies. Banking on the market for cheap buys, fakes have found a ready market, in fact, clients supposedly bringing designs for "execution" of the original.

Why don't fakers just apply as subcontractors for the copied, instead of being saboteurs?

John Wick's Weakness

Was late for a free movie for seniors, but on time for the gore around John Wick. Focused on my pizza slices instead, while looking at the bottom of the screen only. Self-censorship I've mastered. At the end, all John wanted was a pet dog.

Disputes come from a variety of sources- family, marriage, office, organization, church, community, or nation, as acknowledged and experienced by mediators.

When Binay Met Pnoy

When Philippine political titans are from opposing camps, expect conflict especially with elections slowly creeping in. So, it was an example of self-mediation when they met late one night. Mediation's poster boys!

Anti-Dami Law

Antonio Tiu is accused of being a dummy, for agreeing to front for V.ery P.rosperous (daw)  Binay who as paraphrased from his campaign ditty, is "gumaganda ang buhay."

There could be so much subterfuge in mediation. Layer upon layer of concealment is required to cover untruth.  Or as Senator Trillanes calls it, sewing stories together. It takes a  figurative lie detector test of questions to uncover inconsistecies.

Officialdamn

When the late public leader Emmanuel Pelaez was shot in an assasination attempt, he asked a military man what was happening to the Philippines? Now, we add, and its officials?  The president has done unconstitutional fund transfers, while the Vice President is accused of overpricing, unexplained wealth, and having a dummy (not for ventriloquism acts)! Senators are in jail for funding fake foundations for a fantastic fee. Justices and their decisions are also for sale.

When all are turning out untrustworthy, let mediation be the exception.

Hollow Win

Court cases can be a matter of dirty tricks of lawyers and treats for judges. So a win can be hollow, taking into consideration overhead expenses, broken hearts, families, relationships.

Mediation lessens all of the above, and therefore increases the value of settlement.

Out-standees!

After standees of Pope Francis came out in anticipation of his visit January 2015, those of VP Binay followed soon after, in preparation for Elections 2016. Smacks of blasphemy?!

Mediators should be wary of people standing in for others, or copying their behavior.

Red(light) Tide

Again, my hometown Subic is in the news. Again, it is unsavory. Again, ground zero is along Magsaysay Avenue, our local Wanchai or 42nd Avenue.

This time around, the cast includes, aside from the usual American serviceman, a transgender and a German fiance. An ironically morbid event surrounding United Nations Day, representing the LGBT community.

Again, emotions rose, the American is detained in an American container-office in a Philippine camp, at least not in the US Embassy.

The Visiting Forces Agreement is again for review or scrap by the Senate in this stale-mate.
What a challenge for mediation!

Ignorant Bliss

Daisy Reyes's life was featured on GMA News TV. Rising from being a Pateros country girl to an international beauty queen, what was touching, too, was how she was unaffected by mean, unfounded rumors. One reason she put forth was that she didn't know then the meaning of "whore."

Ignorance is a costly mistake. Mediation evens up unequal sides by treating them both fairly and justly.

Give Give Give Give

In a documentary on how the brain functions, GIVE was lined up four times in a column.

That is, forgive! The mediator in me got it right away. Indeed, it is an essential element in the mediation process.

The Trial

Thanks to senior citizenship, cinema is free Monday and Tuesday. My choice last week was The Trial, obviously for the judicial point of view on rape perpetuated allegedly by a special young man.

The psychologist could have been the mediator as she was acquainted with both sides. She was closer for a longer time to the supposed rape victim's family, while her son was a friend of the "rapist." So, in the moviehouse, I felt like redoing the script!

New Look at Dracula

Even vampires deserve a second look.  So with villains in mediation. Nobody is all good nor all bad.

Tallado Panalo

The wife of a Bicol government official had become our local "Gone Girl," a recent movie about a woman in conflict. Her husband's extra-marital affair exposed in social messia drove the wife to flee the conjugal abode for dear life.

Mediation provides a sanctuary for partners in conflict. There, battered mates can seek refuge, equal treatment and fair settlement, without tri-media, lawyers and deadly arms.

Looking (at self) Glass

Another showbiz break-upper Katrina Halili reasoned out that they had to first take a long hard look at themselves, before doing so at each other. Philosophically simple!

Mediation says likewise. Heed first the three other fingers pointing at self, before the two aimed at the other!

Moving On

Off-screen, actors can teach us about life, too.  Especially about their much publicized loves more colorful than Kodak. While there were those who threw in the towel and took their own life, the majority seem to bounce from bed to bed. One local actress gave an insight- somehow moving on is easier when you have somebody to replace the lost one.

In mediation, goodwill toward the other party is likewise made doable by replacing the blame game with an "examination of one's conscience" or contributory part in the contlict.

Man's (In)humanity to Man

Les Miserables is a timeless story of human nature. In the midst of poverty and revolution, goodness springs eternal.

So with conflict, which has been around since Eden. Then again, so have second chances, forgiveness and redemption by the Greatest Mediator.

Daughter-in-Law Mediation

It takes Gutz to be a Gutierrez daughter-in-law. So Sarah Lahbati found out, from the time she first met Annabelle Rama. And until now that she is patching up Annabelle with Mrs. Lahbati after a misunderstanding during the christening. Magbati na kaya sila?

Mediation can be informally done in society's basic unit and therefore initial source of conflict. All it takes is willingness by both parties to spread goodwill around.

McGyver of Dispute

A long time ago, there was a tv series about a very resourceful and creative equalizer whose name's spelling escapes me now but has since been the tag for problem-solvers, especially of the extraordinary variety.

Mediators can likewise be called McGyvers of Disputes, giving of their ingenuous expertise toward the resolution of conflict.

Solar Box

Superman's sidewalk closet has been updated. London's red telephone booths have gone green and solar!

Mediation has kept up with the times, too. Disputants seeing red and charging to lawyers and the court, are now encouraged to first calm down, sit with the other side/s and resolve their conflict/s.

Kind of a Church

The Philippines will once again be blessed by a papal visit in January 2015.  The theme chosen was " Mercy and Compassion."

Such should also be theme in mediation.  Justice, of course, has to be tempered by consideration of the means of disputants to settle conflicts, as well as rising above past
 ill feelings.

Chronic Problems

Chronic Inc., an Ontario, Canada company shipped 50 container vans of garbage to Manila. The local consignee, Chronic Pastics, true to its name, slid off into denial and oblivion.

Another chronic problem sailed into Subic this time, offloading American sailors into Olongapo's red light district. A transgender was murdered soon after.

Philippine hospital-ity is good for tourism; bad for our state respect. However, respect starts with self/state, for others to follow. So in mediation, too, disputants should be on equal footing, and if not, the mediator becomes the equalizer.

Power Sharing

This morning's GMA NEWS TV featured business leaders announcing a more literal power sharing, of the electric kind.  In anticipation of next year's deficit in electriity sources, big industrial companies are offering to use their own generators to lessen the load of the national grid.

Mediation's power sharing is two-prong.  The mediator empowers both disputants to decide on how best to resolve their conflict.  Each side is likewise encouraged to meet the other side halfway and in goodwill.

Dolphin Tail 2

A wholesome and heartwarming movie, for once, was shown recently, Dolphin Tale 2.  It was about its tail, too, a prosthetic replacement.

Mediation is remedial, too. It replaces lost goodwill between family, company or community members.

Kagemusha

My Movie channel gave a Sunday treat-a historic Japanese epic. It reminded us of an American movie, too, regarding a double for an indisposed/deceased head of state.

Mediators have to likewise check on the identity of disputants, as well as the veracity of their claims.

The Cake Lady Sings

Today, we saw the picture of the address declared by Makati's supplier of cakes for seniors,  a small sidewalk eatery. Meantime, Senator Nancy Binay, accused of being the power behind the cake, nonchalantly  declared that she might as well open a bakeshop.

In mediation, there are also masters (and mistresses) of evasion, hoping to break the spirit and perseverance of the other side. Hopefully, there are also intrepid elements (like media, in the case of the cakes) who will expose the truth.

Binay and the Bag-ubos

This morning's Inquirer front page picture of Binay was ominous. With a smirk, he looked like he was having the last laugh over the Senate inquiry into his alleged corruption while still running Makati. Well today, he was photographed with his hands being raised by the Bagobo chieftains, while still maintaining an allergic reaction to the Senate invitation.

Mediators are likewise advised to be wary of diversionary tactics of disputants, as well as their squid ink strategies to escape the issue/s at hand and block/blacken the search for truth, justice and fairness.

Mob Rule

Queena Lee-Chua's column "All in the Family" coincidentally featured a reformed Mafia boss who has since written a book, "I'll Make You An Offer You Can't Refuse." Surprisingly this time, ex-capo/convict Michael Franzese extolled the value of integrity. He wrote, "had I closed it down and gotten out early, I might have saved myself a stretch in prison and millions of bucks in fines and legal fees. But greed kept me locked in the game."

Another example of "crime does not pay." And a point for mediation! "Plea bargaining" before it's too late.

Greek to me

"My Big Fat Greek Wedding"  was an interesting peek into their culture. An aunt had a refreshingly feminist view on gender-if men are the heads, then women are the necks. We turn them which way we want! How true.

Mediation is likewise a fresh look on life.  Disputants are encouraged to view their non-working relationships and try ones that do.

Age Appropriate

Youthful singing sensations, mostly winners of contests, bring up the issue of content of their songs. Kris Aquino pointed out, after a tween boy warbled about "making love the whole night through," thst maybe the words could have been "having fun the whole night through."

In mediation, we have young, insightful practitioners, too. As elderly disputants frown on younger mediators, perhaps the latter are more effective with disputants nearer their age (or farther from their parents' image.)  But then again, in these times of May-December relationships, sometimes age does not matter when it comes to rage matter.

Power Age

There is balance in nature. Those challenged by today's gadgets have their own innovative minds to make sense of their situations- whizdom. Brahma Kumaris is calling "like-minded people dedicated to aging with power and wisdom, through creative activities and conversations."

Precisely what mediation is, lending an ear and"wise cracks" to troubled disputants so they can reolve their differences.

Truth and Consequence

The unfortunate slaying of  the mother of actress Cherry Pie Picache seems to be drawing to its just resolution. A newly hired day helper is implicated, with a history of other crimes and his disappearance after the murder.

Disputants can avoid responsibility for actions only up to a certain time. Truth has a way of revealing itself, aided by cctv cameras at present.

Glitches

Had a Hot Flash experience with my tablet the other day. Not re men-oh-pause, but gadget malfunction. This woman of curtain age blogged really early Sunday, cut it short and saved it for a sunny day. Later, couldn't retrieve the half-blogged issue, which was overtaken by other errands the next few days.

In mediation, we have these twists and turns that crop up, too. It is important to stay the course and not allow distractions like emotional outbursts and irrelevant info to destruct the momentum toward resolution.

Boses ng Bosses

In a survey, 6 out if 10 Filipinos thumbed down President Noy's wishfool thinkering of the Constitution to give him a second term.  Terminated.

Mediation is much like a surevey reality check. It lets disputants face the mirror, as it were, in order to best deal with the conflict in a fair and calm manner.

Cheap, PNP

The Chief of the Philippine National Police is not cheap as far as his possessions are concerned. While his men are ill- equipped/housed/and hospitalized, their Chief got donors to refurbish his official residence and lend him a bulletproof SUV, and farmers to sell him their hectares of land.

In mediation, too, there is a need for dealings to be transparent and above board. Better to be upfront rather than be confronted with facts to the contrary.

Wee Men

Queen Latifah had outstanding women guests tonight. Opener was Gloria Steinem, who really opened doors and broke ceilings in the 60's. Next came Rita Moreno, who danced into our lives from Puerto Rico to West Side Story. Arianna Huffington related how she questionned her success when she literally fell flat on her face from fatigue and laid on her pool of blood.  Melissa Harris-Perry wrote a letter to the kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls and adopted their cause in #bringbackourgirls.

Women are more than half of the population we deal with in mediation, especially involving family.  They are more vocal now and know what they want. However, there are still some who are unfortunately subject to abuse and oppression. Mediators can empower them.

Hot Flashes

DIVA cable showed a different bevy of divas in "Hot Flashes." Women "of a certain age" led by Brooke Shield's character formed a ragtag group to challenge a school's young women's basketball team, to raise funds for cancer prevention.

Mediators "of a certain age" could identify with the Hot Flashes, that's not with a "u." Maybe not in basketball, but in mediation, age is a plus factor. Hopefully, it comes with respect, if not wisdom. As I tell my hairstylist, "Never say 'dye.' I need those silver strands for work!"

Keeping (Peace) with the Times

Kris TV today featured the latest, safest  and most creative articles for babies. These included mesh blankets to prevent asphyxiation, neck supporters, mommy tummy carriers, even chicken wing teethers! They really have to make raising 'em attractive, given the drive against reproduction!

So with peace-making. Gone are the dramatic, "Talk to my lawyer," or"See you in court." Instead, "Let us see a mediator."

Commom Cause

With Hongkong protesters now targetting mainland China over elections, it is a relief that they have momentarily forgotten the Manila hostage of their tourists in August 2010. Also, we are now in conflict with the same country. The Philippines has moved for arbitration with China over common territorial boundaries over the seas.

What if we had settled our conflict with Hongkong before this time? Wouldn't we be able to  rely on them now regarding our differences with China? These are the missed opportunities of protracted conflict.

Reverse with a Cause

Warner Bros.gave us a Sunday treat via cable- "Rebel With a Cause" featuring the late James Dean, Natalie Wood and Sal Mineo. No, they were not tardy, just stars of a really old movie. Lol The usual teenage conflicts had some twists. For one, an understanding police officer in the precinct doubled as a counselor to the troubled youth, in relation to their parents. Then, after an unfortunate dare went fatally wrong, it was the parents who were preventing their son from confessing, as he had planned to do!

Mediators, too, have to be open to possibilities, away from the "aways," and the type-casts. As St. John XXIII's battlecry was, "aggiornamento," openness before adjournment of mediation.

Change

Upon reaching a certain age, being set in one's ways becomes second nature.  This morning, for instance, my plan was to buy some things at Mercury Drugstore. However, I entered Generika instead, seeing it had just one customer and thus would not make me wait for long. For this novelty, I was rewarded by their offer of a laboratory services promotion!

Mediation is much the same way. The regular route to settle conflict is through litigation.  A better, less bitter way is to compromise with the other disputant, in the presence of an intermediary, the mediator. Guaranteed less waiting, too, for postponed court hearings and judge's decisions. And no loser, both sides win!

Linlangan

There is a missing link in the current controversy in the "itchy" city. Mr. Limlangan is "gerry-wandering," and becoming a person of greatest interest. Like Adam, he feels the need to hide.

In mediation, too, nothing is more suspicious than hiding self or something. As they say, if you have nothing to hide, then by all means, spill the beans than stalk away.

Talon-pati

A Pinay reared her enraged head during P-Noy's talk before Columbia University. As the cool President had said, she did not have a question but a speech! Harangue na kaluluwa!!!

Mediation has these moments, too. After cutting them short, we decide if these are sincere or selfish. At the end, who is to gain from this fast and furious minutes of gore?

Pure-is-him-ah & Co. B-nice

PNP Chief Purisima is providing company to equally embattled Vice President Binay. Both are accused of corruption. Ironically, both of them do not do justice to their names. Purisima denotes purity. Binay' s first name, Jejomar is the contraction of Jesus, Joseph and Mary. Jeez!

Mediators have to be wary of Pilates. And that is not the stretching of muscles, but of the truth! Washing off responsibility is not acceptable in mediation, but rather its acceptance.

Re: Venge

Now it can be told. The Aquino family's stoic behavior during the wake and funeral of Ninoy covered- up some deep emotions. P-Noy, the family's only son, revealed during his recent  Boston homecoming that thoughts of revenge entered his mind.  What if he acted on this thought? We would not have had his mother Cory and at her death, P-Noy as presidents.

It is wise to let go and let God. Of course, this does not mean just letting injustice be done. We have to seek justice in a non-violent and peaceful manner. And preferably non-litigiously, as in mediation.

Traffic in the Court

Sunday's Inquirer had an interactive article on solutions to the terrrrible trrrraffic problem. Mark Parlade was insightful in his recipe- "a little imaginative planning and consistency, and vigilance in execution." Mercifully, he did not add WHOM to execute. LOL. Mabel Mamba reinforced the use of "alternative routes," like the "Christmas Lane" before, but renamed. Brian Tenorio had proactively moved mountains- keeping a "home office/studio."
He used to"have meetings" aboard his van, too. Another innovation, he suggests, is to "telecommute, work from another location and send staff on the Internet."

How about the traffic in the court dockets? Mediation to the rescue! It is a mode of alternative dispute resolution that avoids litigation; requires a little imaginative planning, consistency and vigilance in execution, too; and involves creative, innovative problem-solving.

Option- al Parenthood

In an Inquirer article "A child custody guide for the single dad", Richard Cepeda Go had a thorough list of options for separated couples on how to share time with their child/ren.
First off, legal custody (involving decisions for their welfare) is differentiated from physical custody.

Under these categories, there could be primary or sole/complete custody, with "the noncustodial parent given limited access to the children."

Alternating custody divides the offsprings' year or week between the two exes' homes.

Joint custody (of author's experience) is more equitable. It is usual that one parent's "home becomes the primary residence, " especially if nearer the child/ren's school.

Split custody imposes separation also between/among the children, who are also allowed to see their absentee parent.

Bird's nest is not nido soup. Here, the child/ren stay put, while the parents take turns to visit. Like the soup, this has consistency for the kids, at least of abode and school travel.

Serial custody gives one spouse legal/physical custody, then hands them to the other spouse after some years. Consideration is made for children to be with same -sex parent during their teens. The other spouse has continued visitation rights.

Third party custody could involve grandparents or aunts/uncles when parents are deemed unfit by the court.

Combinations of the above are likewise plausible or feasible. Mediators can offer these samplers in the buffet of parenthood.

Typhoon Jejo-Mario

Advancing tomorrow's blog before its title is picked up by others. Two disturbances hit the Philippines this week- VP Jejomar Binay's answer to accusations of corruption, and the typhoon Mario.

Mediation can likewise be hit by forces beyond our control- natural/in-your-face, as well unnatural. To the latter belong the face- saving devices of stakeholders. Mediators are thus warned to always bring their mirroring technique of reflection.

Re'loca'tion of I S

That doesn't refer to the Islamic State's spread in Asia. But rather the transfer of informal settlers to safer homes.

Mediation also involves alternatives. These should be feasible/viable, doable, agreeable to all sides. Not a crazy idea, definitely.

Banker Bermudez on Saint Augustine

In his valedictory, the rewiring banker Bermudez quoted Saint Augustine, as saying, "Peace is the tranquility of order. When things are what they are naturally meant to be, there is peace even if there is deafening noise all around. When things aren't quite what they ought to be, there is no peace even if silence envelops the place."

St. Augustine has the mediator's mind and heart!  We are reminded of the force and fury accompanying demotions in the city. Two, we have the silent treatment employed by warring spouses or co-employees. Hopefully, these situations lead to the mediation table.

Aquino for Arbitration

The good news is that the European Union supports the Philippine move for arbitration regarding its common claim with Asian neighbors over parts of the China Sea, according to President Aquino during his visit to Brussels.

Alternative dispute resolution is getting global.  This, after the Philippines likewise subjected itself to arbitration over its conflict with the German developer of the NAIA III.
Mediation and conciliation are other modes of alternative dispute resolution.

Low I-I

During my time, I-I meant individualized instruction in progressive schools. The other day, there was mention of innovations index, with the Philippines ranking low. Actually, there is proof of this everywhere. Problems regarding flooding, traffic, and corruption remain, despite knee jerk solutions. Exceptions are the efforts of Singzon re rainwater control in Bonifacio Global City before, MMDA engineers studying and experimenting on ingenuous ways out of greed/gridlocks, and the late Mayor of Naga and DILG Secretary Robredo's participative constituency.

Mediation requires a high innovations index, too. Mediators are not "square," because they think out-of-the-box in the search for solutions to disputes.

pA-Tay, Nobody Wins

Another inspiring old movie seen on cable, we didn't even catch the title. It was a heart-warming narration of a young boy growing up in the 50's or so. Those were the days of simple toys like tops, which was his cherished acquisition at the World's Fair then. Of course, coming back home, he proudly challenged the neighborhood bullies to a race to the finish- which was straight to the sewer! Our hero then exclaimed, "A tie, nobody wins!"
In life's confrontation, he learned, there is going to be at least one loser, or both.

Contrast this with our hero's subsequent fishing experience with his father and buddies. There was abundance this time, for all to have a sure catch, after his father begrudgingly shared the choice spot for a bait.

This was admittedly the boy's "greatest summer," transforming him from boyhood's selfish endeavors to an adult sharing experience of win-win. Mediation paraphrased!

(Don't!) Lie to Me

There is a coming show on Diva cable network, Lie to Me, which we are eagerly awaiting.

That is something a mediator doesn't encourage disputants to do. In fact, truthfulness is the key to negotiations on the mediation table, as it should be everywhere!

Seconditional Chances

Talk about self-mediation. When I was new in the subdivison, I caught the neighbor's two helpers entering my yard to get palm fronds for suman. When I called their attention from my bedroom on the second floor, they replied that they didn't know somebody was in. No reason for breaking and entering!

Just the other day, though, one of those trespassers voluntarily let my wandering dog back
into my yard. She has turned into a dogherd!!! And thus been forgiven. I might just give her a suha from my tree, which they have all been eyeing, too.

Mediation is all about good will.

"Night at the Museum" Mediation

Inspiration is everywhere. Looking forward to watch Robin Williams again in the movie, "Night at the Museum,"  we were amused to see mediation instances, too. The night watchman character of Ben Stiller had to pacify next door diorama characters of the Roman Emperor Octavius and Jed of the Wild West. Ben stole them both from their respective showrooms and put them together to settle their conflicting aggressive traits. They reminded me of apartment dwellers in dispute over their common parking, or market stall neighbors at odds with each other for just about any reason. In the end, the two war freaks worked together, putting their common nature to use for the good of everyone in the museum.

Robin William's character of US President Theodore Roosevelt likewise showed Ben Stiller the effective way of retrieving the museum keys from the mischievous monkey, Dexter- by courteously asking for them. Works most, if not all, of the time, which is also a lesson for people in authority/power like guards. Btw, in real life, Robin Williams and the monkey became real life friends after the movie.

Miriam-ing Choices

Dark Mare presidential hopeful Senator Miriam Defensor- Santiago  is now identifying her choices for running mate. That is democracy (not crazy) in action. And freedom to dream-again.

Mediation is likewise open to suggestions, alternatives and angles. The more creatively realistic, the better and faster to arrive at an all-inclusive resolution of the conflct.

"Brain-to-Brain" Drain

Recently, there was an uber-tech experiment to transfer thought from a person in India to another in France. It was described as "using technology to interact electromagnetically with the brain".

How mediators wish they could communicate likewise their ideas to disputants on how best to resolve the conflict. While questioning, negotiating and caucus can be resorted to, in the end, the ball remains in the hands of both sides on how to end "their game."

(Ayoko) Akie Abe

Akie Abe is the First Lady of Japan. Scion of the Morinaga fortune, she owns businesses like a bar and confesses that her husband, the Prime Minister, has to help in the household chores. They live in their own house, not the one provided by the government, so they are not provided household staff.  Akie confesses to be "the opposition" at their home, too.

Mediators have to learn to deal with Akies during their sessions. Understanding social and cultural differences among persons involved in the conflict makes for smoother dealing with them. Know where they are coming from, to be able to lead them toward resolution of the dispute.

Cry me Joan Rivers

The untimely death of Joan Rivers, Fashionista Policewoman, was probably and secretly accepted by her numerous victims on E.

She personified what a mediator is not- poking fun on others' choices, sowing intrigue among her company, and focusing on the negative.  In the end, nothing was achieved except ill will and hurt feelings, even of her colleague Guiliana for dyed hair like Joan's, supposedly in her honor. So if mediators want to see how not to be, they can watch reflowing of Rivers.

Dynastic Correction

In keeping with today's Gospel reading on fraternal correction, a  Bishop called on the Binays to answer the corruption charges against them, instead of crying political persecution.

In mediation, too, it is better to answer charges or claims by the other side/s directly instead of imputing ill will on them. As the saying goes, why be afraid (to face the music) when you have nothing(like two left feet) to hide?   

Lose-o(u)t

The Binay bind is getting more constrictive. The building built by father and son when they were mayors one after the other, is neither world-class, green nor cost-effective. No more rationalization can be used, especially after comparison with other buildings and testmony of the contractor himself.

Sooner or later, not being up-front in mediation, too, catches up with the "frontwo/man." To save time and face, better to tell it like it is, from the start.

Choreographic Relief

Dr. Tayag of DOH has the makings of a mediator. In the midst of heated debate between lawmakers holding the purse strings of departments and its heads, he comes in and deflects tension by leading in some physical activity. It was like an ice breaker during trainng.

He reminded me of King David dancing to his psalms. But his son, King Solomon is more the poster man of mediation, in the celebrated case of the two women fighting over an infant.

F(l)ight

Lately, flyers have been in the news. Not the paper ones nor bats. But persons of interest. Interesting examples of the flight or fight reaction to conflict, and the theory of flight implying guilt.

Mediation is also witness to these approaches to dispute. Alibis, blaming, scandalous/riotus behavior are just some ways disputants deflect attention from themselves. Mediators, beware the march of these wiles!

Washington's Grace

We aren't referring to DC diplomacy.  This is about the brilliant idea of SGV's first letter Sycip of Grace Poe for President 2016.  Cried the maven, not yet. That was also what Cory said before the million signatures.

Thinking out-of-the-box is also a mediator's desired trait. In the face of proffered facts, s/he can look for blind spots not yet being considered. So there is a third side in addition to the two sides of the conflict.

Massaging Messages

Before the senators inspected the controversial Makati Parking Lot Building, some of the residents held a rally in support of its beleaguered builders. How they could prove their statements is another matter, though.

Mediators have to be likewise wary of claims by either side. As President Magsaysay used to ask, "Can it be defended in Plaza Miranda?" Or just a mirage. As they say, truth in advertising!

They are reckoning

Today's inspection of the Makati Parking Lot Building lent credence to the talk of its over-price. As in the saying, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, the proof of the over- price is in the seeing.

In mediation, there is also the need to fact check, as a news article.  The mediator cannot rely on assertions without firm bases. Days of reckoning or settling of accounts are inevitable.

Overseas Force Workers

The Golan guys from the Philippine Armed Forces are making us proud, like the majority of our OFWs, except the mules and the explosively/exponentially multiplying TNTs. The grit and guts of our men in uniform would come in handy when they return to the arms of Nur Misuari who has likewise resurrected.

Sometimes a change of scenery, company and schedule does good to disputants, too. This is especially applicable when heated confrontations can be cooled off by space between them. A caucus serves that purpose.

Kapusod

The three local tv stations call themselves Kapuso (of the same heart), Kapatid (sibling) and Kapamilya (of the same family). With talks about mergers, we envision a Kapusod (of the same navel).

Mediation advocates merging of the minds and hearts of disputants, too. What a more peaceful world, or even community or just a family, if members learn to compromise with the other/s.

Boxing Diplomacy

As if his platter was not yet full, Manny Pacquiao now reports from China that its government will be putting up boxing schools in his name. That is a throwback to the pingpong diplomacy between China and the US during Reagan's administration.

Mediation is likewise flexible and resourceful in the search for settlement. Both parties are encouraged by the mediator to exhaust all means to end their conflict.

Over the Counters

B(inay!) counters political persecution by his Makati opponents supposedy itching for a fight to the 2016 presidency.  But he should show us the money-less construction of buildings during his city mayoralty, as far as he was concerned.  Where's the beef of his denial?

In mediation, too, charges and counter-charges have to be based on evidence or documents easily checked.  Otherwise, we will just have a couple of checkmates.

Bought Sides Now

In college, there was a popular folksong, "Both Sides Now."  We couldn't help recalling it while watching the initial hearing on the presidential impeachment in the Batasan.

In mediation, there are both sides, too.  Hopefully, no side is bought and chances are slim, since both are actually trying to attain some edge over the other.

Red Carpet(baggers)

The Emmy's Red Carpet walked on by Hollywood's A-Listers reminded me  of a related matter- the carpetbaggers of post-Civil War shown in "Gone With The Wind," those who enriched themselves during that conflict.

Aren't some lawyers taking advantage of clients in trouble? Despite the appearance  of assistance, there is really no substance of help, perhaps even an inciting to disagreement, delaying or sabotaging a possible settlement. That is but natural because lawyers are trained for litigation. Rights above all considerations.

Wanna Change

We are one with the People's Initiative at the Luneta Park this National Heroes' Day  manifesting opposition to the pork barrel and the presidential term extension by gathering 6 million signatures. So too, with the KOMPRe Conference in Loyola Heights on reforms that the present administration can still work on during its homestretch. These movements are all aimed to benefit all of us, as well as give vent to their creativity in coming up with acronyms!

Mediation is a relatively new change in our judicial system, too.  Before, the threat was, "Talk to my lawyer" or "See you in court". Now, it is "Let's talk it over first,  before calling our lawyer or going to court."

Green Cross (Border)

This Sunday's Inquirer featured a continuation of a family feud.  Aptly, it involves their home cleaning products.  And so they are exposing their dirty laundry, unfortunately.

There had been other families who made us unwitting/ unwilling witnesses to their marital woes, from all levels of society and all reasons.  Some had attended court-annexed mediation as a required court procedure.  Others refused. How we wish they had gone to mediation before litigation and the media!

Marathon

Watching the marathon over cable of the House of Cards, I realized how politics is the same anywhere, peopled as it is by fallible human beings.

Mediation can be a marathon, too, especially with disputants lacking in goodwill and having a lot of issues.  Still, it can take less time than the notoriously slow grinding of the wheels of our courts of justice. Beating the marathon on cable, cases last longer than a season, year, decade or even a lifetime!

Caga-anan (ng loob)

Ms. Caga-anan was the Resident Auditor of Makati who attested to its Parking Building's audit clearance.  Her statement was taken by the Mayor as vindication.  However, the COA says, not so fast, we review local audits, to be fair.

Supporting evidence/relatives/friends' claims  are likewise not to be taken at face value during mediation.  Don't bank robbers  dress like valued clients? Goodwill can be had sometimes in exchange for cold cash. Mediators, be (a)ware!

Anu Anu

The untimely passing of Mork back to Ork brought about a lot of what-will-bes aside from what-could-have-beens. Enough to make his daughter get off Twitter and Instagram. His psychological problems aggravated by the onset of Parkinson's proved insurmountable. Then, the practical focused on the question of his insurance and rumored financial stress due to alimonies.  Robin Williams was on his third marriage.

These are the stuff of family mediation. While there are legal considerations one cannot get away from, outside of those parameters, family members can compromise toward an early resolution of their conflict. Then, all can experience happiness, even if not the excessve one of Patch Adams.

Circus in Town

Presidential campaign 2016 has hit the Senate. B(inay!)  Corruption charges are brushed aside as politically-motivated, hopefully beclouding the issues.  Now more than ever, we need Solomonic wisdom, not moronic.  And the survey of the Red Ribbon and Goldilocks products takes the cake given to Makati senior citizens! That's objective reality/ exhibit A.

Mediation is much like a Congressional hearing, in aid of settlement. Ferreting out the truth espoused by all sides concerned makes mediators pray for guidance that they become fair, insightful and a peacemaker out of all the conflict.

Mediating Government

Warring government branches (Executive vs. Judiciary; Judiciary vs. Congress) are like our political parents fighting it out before our eyes.  And some of us know how traumatic that was at home! Unfortunately, annulment is not an option in government, no matter how incapacitated psychologically some of its officials are!!!

A silver lining is offered by the Department of Justice' Office for Alternative Dispute Resolution. Here, mediators, arbiters, and other peacemakers are accredited to serve government entities, starting from the barangay's lupong tagapamayapa up. A dream team could be formed to settle between the President and the Chief Justice. That will be mediating the mediators!

Empowerment

As we recall the untimely death of the late DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo, we likewise celebrate his meaningful life devoted to the empowerment of people, especially the marginalized and his hometown Naga City.

That is also the aim of mediation. Actually, both sides hold the key to the success of the session.  They find their compromise, and hopefully learn how to handle future conflicts on their own.

Francis' Peace

In South Korea for the Asian Youth gathering, Pope "Francis told South Korean President Park Geun-hye that peace required forgiveness, cooperation and mutual respect. He said diplomacy must be encouraged so that dialogue could replace 'mutual recriminations, fruitless criticisms, and displays of force'." (Philippine  Daily Inquirer)

Truly the Vicar of the Greatest Mediator! He really nailed the requisites to a successful mediation.  The aggrieved party needs to accept the apology/compensation/goodwill of the other. Both sides are to work together toward the peaceful settlement of their conflict, with respect and without the blame and violence.

Nakakabagon(e)

The most recent and so far the gravest accident on the upper express sent passengers reeling back to the ground.  It's good nobody was sent to the grave, especially since the coach involved is reserved for women, especially those pregnant and accompanied by children, and the elderly.

Accidents and twists happen in mediation, too.  When the mediator least expects, some occurrence/ human factor can endanger the resolution of the conflict. It takes the insightful mediator (and both sides' goodwill) to deftly steer the session to its fruitful conclusion.

4-Gives

Yesterday's Gospel spoke of forgiveness, not 7 times but 70 times 7!  Really tough to follow
Christ!!!

Mediation requires nothing less, except perhaps in the frequency, of being able to let go, especially of blaming, getting even and exacting Portia's "pound of flesh". Otherwise, if we abide by the "eye for an eye" rule, they say we will have a world of blind wo/men.

And for those wanting to be truly Christian or just human/e, difficulty is no excuse. Start with baby steps like refraining from shouting and using cuss words at each other-a basic rule during mediation sessions.

Pickle-minded

Lo and behold, the president is headlined today to favor a second term, and therefore a requisite charter change from his present 6-year term without reelection, to a second term. This is a 180 degree turn from his previous avowed distaste for charter change.  It is also in keeping with former presidents' desire to stay in power, from Marcos to Macapagal-Arroyo, minus the first Aquino. In a way, a fermented wish. Or is it demented?

Both sides in a conflict can also change their mind, for good or for bad.  That is one reason the presence of lawyers is discouraged, because it is another factor in the decision-making,    even when both sides have just about made-up their minds, on their own.  And the lawyer's motive is not always altruistic and even if so, could likewise delay the settlement.

Change could be beneficial. The question that has to be answered, is for whom?

Fraternal/ Brotherly Correction

This article is not on fraternities, although another topic for mediation after medication and meditation. We deal today with the Gospel  reading from Matthew on brotherly correction, "...go and point out the fault to him, when the two of you are alone, and if he listens to you, you have won back your brother. If he doesn't listen to you, take with you one or two others, so the case may be decided by the evidence of two or three witnesses..."

Additional advice from The Greatest Mediator.  Nobody wants to be shamed in public, which is also told to parents bent on disciplining their children. But there are times the subject is not open, or worse, incorrigible.  So if the one-on-one caucus does not work with one disputant who may also lack goodwill,  the mediator can call the other side to gently persuade the first disputant to reason and com-promise.

Palpakan

Finally, good news of the captivity of a long-running ex-military fugitive from justice! And he was caught just in Manila, in the shadow of the presidential residence and kilometers away from the Department of Justice and the National Bureau of Investigation.

Truth will always be revealed, sooner or later, in this life or the next. And mediators are the modern-day Diogeneses, with their proverbial lamps signifying their search for what is fair, just and balanced between the sides involved in the conflict.

Gun With the Wind

Last night,  My Movie Channel featured the classic waromance, " Gone with the Wind." It depicted the Scarlett- Rhett uncivilized tension in the midst of the Civil War between the North and the South USA then. Decades later in the last century, there would be tension between East and West Berlin, North and South Korea, North and South Vietnam, and intra-Cambodia and Burma. In the Philippines, we are currently reviewing our Framework Agreement with the BangsaMoro of the South, in Mindanao. Hopefully, peace with the leftist New People's Army would follow. And so  between PH-China et al, Israel-Palestine, Russia -Ukraine, intra- Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya ... The list is epic!

Television coverage of these hotspcots reminds viewers of adults playing children's war games. "When will they ever learn?"a folk song goes. To go to war is human,  to get into mediation is divine, to paraphrase another saying.

Sell-ebration

Today is my beloved late father's birth anniversary.  He has also  been the one giving me gifts even from beyond.  This month, my alumnae group is asking me to speak on mediation as a form of public service.  I thought that was my quota for the month. But wait, just today and exactly on this day, I got a bonus via a prospective real estate deal while conversing with a schoolmate regarding her family's travails.

Such is the consolation from engaging in  helping professions like mediation and counseling.  More than the monetary benefit, it is the thought of having been a blessing to others.

By Jolly, Apology

Never underestimate the wrath of the customers scorned.  Especially of the top burger and chicken fast food chain in the country! Jollibee's apology was just the timely and  effective means to turn the tide of netizens'  "chicken sad"ness.

Companies usually issue apologies for other reasons, like for instance, intellectual property infringement. They are published in newspapers as part of the out-of-court settlement between the holder of the rights and a violator.

The cost of the advertisement is certainly much lower than the legal and court implications.

Sure Prize Surprise

After the  SONA reference to VP Binay, he expressed appreciation and the President's sisters followed suit with their support for the VP.  This turn of events caught presidential heir apparent DILG Secretary Mar Roxas by surprise, who , in knee jerk reaction, suggested the President be given a second term via an amendment to the Constitution.  

These twists and turns occur in mediation, too.  Another mediator trait is intellectual agilility that is open to out-of-the-box scenarios.  Never a square moment, we might say, on the road to settlement.

Mediator (S)Trait

Aside from a sensitive sense of humor, a mediator needs patience in untangling knotted relationships. S/he cannot just yank out or force a settlement. Unlike the Grandma's  knot  unlearned in  Scouting as the wrong way, there is a step-by-step procedure toward a just and fair negotiation.

That will hopefully lead straight to a resolution, provided both sides have goodwill, too.

Name-(Re)calling

There is a current comic character naughtily making fun of the name of  a  woman in trouble with the law.  That the comic is also a woman speaks well of all's fair in laugh
and all.

While comic relief might be welcome respite during intense mediation sessions, calling each other names is not one of them. In fact, it could be one cause of why mediation was needed in the first place.  And what has been spoken cannot be taken back.

Mediators and disputants alike are thus cautioned to be sensitive to the feelings of the other/s.

The Greatest Mediator

Peacemaking is a universal endeavor. It is badly needed nowadays all over the world, the country and the community.

Christians can refer to their Holy Bible's New Testament Gospel of St. Matthew 5, verses 25-26: "Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny."

That is our mandate from The Greatest Mediator.

Cum-Passion

Fr. Tito Caluag's Inquirer article on the Sunday Mass readings had a message for a title- "Set aside self-centered interests for the sake of others." He further "defined compassion as the ability to 'enter the chaos of the other' and to help the other make meaning out of his chaos."

How very much like mediation! The mediator as it were puts himself in the shoes of both sides to be able to see and thus understand where they are coming from. And by his example, he enjoins each side toward "setting aside his own needs for the greater good." It is "bringing out the best in others."

That is the mediator's passion.

Exhibit A-irplane

A part of the MH17 airplane was found.  Finally, we have a piece of objective reality to hold on to.

In mediation, we also search for solid ground common to both sides. In current lingo, a peg to put together all the concerns involved, the rationale to the settlement.

Me-time

Mediators like everybody else, need a day-off.  It is good to "let it go" for a day or two, enjoy the moment and savor the presence of family and fix-ins, without being on the lookout for fix-its.

Perspective likewise enables a person to soul search  and make an inventory of his values and attitudes  in aid of mediation, or not. Absence indeed makes the  mediator grow sharper.

Corift

That is spelled in the fashion of today's minimalist writing I so very much adopt! Otherwise, it would be alliterative Cory Rift. You see, I was invited by the former PCSO Chair to the Holy Mass sponsored by the Yellow Army Movement  for Cory's fifth death anniversary at the Power Plant Chapel. Then, there was the official  Mass at the Manila Memorial Park.

Children are likewise torn between two parents drifting apart. Left to their own selfish/ guilt-ridden defenses, parents tend to compete for their children's affection/ approval/manipulation.

Mediation is the middle ground where the parents can express their needs as individuals, as well as pay attention to those of their child/ren in an equitable and calm manner.  That way, they also give a good example to their child/ren on conflict resolution.

Broken (Record) Plaka Vest

Another trouble is revving up the wrong highway in Quezon City. Motorcycle riders are up in bikes against a city ordinance calling for the wearing of a vest with the  plate number of the rider printed at the back.  One valid point against it is that it will be blocked by a back rider, who is really the  target, in the first place. My take on it is that these hoodlums could very well print the wrong number on their vests.

Is there omerta in our lawmaking that we always act when it is too late or almost fait accompli? But even if we missed the hearings during  the procedure, isn't there the loophole of motion for reconsideration , even up to the Supreme Court? That would take less gas.

As the Palace spokesperson said on another matter, "formal or informal talks (by the two parties) is a better alternative to war."

Self-Mediation

Like medication, mediation can be prudently administered to self, much like the featured "creative neighbors reinvent Pasay compound" in today's Inquirer.  In "The War of the Roses," Oliver and Barbara made a last ditch attempt to bargain with items precious to the other.  Alas, too late the hero/ine, wala ng alas, malas pa! (Without an ace, just bad luck)

Self-mediation is prescribed to couples or families with still simmering conflicts, not full-blown ones. I credit my pioneering spirit along this line not once but twice. Read and learn.

My incorrigible spouse, much like the employees I dealt with at work, wanted us to migrate to the States.  Figuring my mother-in-law awaited there and I had three children, two with yayas, I told my has-been to go ahead, make my life! As always, I did not follow him there.

After my honest-to-goodness sugar Daddy died, relatives from the province commented how rich I've become and that I got the choice cuts of Magnolia chicken, as it were. When it became feasible, I Let It Go, my Frozen asset i.e.

Self-mediation is agreement without the mediator.

Game of Thorns

"The War of the Roses" was reshown by My Movie Channel on cable last night.  Barbara and Oliver Rose fought to death, literally, over their house.  Their lawyer failed to mediate between them. That's what happens when barbed wire  takes over the olive branch.

The fine line between love and hate is most obvious in cases of close relationship.  They say propinquity breeds contempt.  To their credit, Oliver and Barbara sent their two children off to college before starting their war. In most cases, the offspring is caught in the crossfire.

Mediation douses the flames of discord.  The couple is made to realize what each really values and needs.  And their common elements- child/den above the property, real or surreal.

In the end, all that Oliver and Barbara needed was a ladder!

State of the (White) Elephant

It's carnival time in Batasan again!  Everyone wants to have a say on their part of the brown elephant, to put it nationalistically.  The left will make noise and burn effigies until they are finally riding on the elephant. Bobby Tuazon of CENPEG  speaks on television about what Noynoy should do and I agree, except that Bobby looks like Mike Arroyo, who could be a cousin? And did Bobby counsel his  Presidential cousin-in-law before? Only fashion designers would be forgiven to make a killing on the red carpet today.

Mediation involves as many sides as the blind man's elephant. The mediator acts like the circus elephant trainer, orchestrating the whole show. S/he motivates the at times obstinate beings to work together to achieve their objective.  Ultimately, though, it is the beings who must decide and make the move.

Nega Nego

Caught a news flash about kidnappers lessening the amount they were demanding for the release of their victims. I call it negative negotiation, since it involves sinister blackmail, pay up or else...Generally, we do not deal with them.

Negotiation in mediation, on the other hand, is positive as it tries to lower the expectation of both sides as to their legitimate needs as affected by the other side in the conflict. Each side is entitled to some recompense or consideration.

Kidnappers just have a sense of entitlement.

Minority Wins

I am ashamed of the Iglesia ni Cristo's Philippine Arena- for the Catholic Church.  It is a to-your-face challenge to do something, anything for your flock, aside from the cheap talk.

In mediation, too, the majority (like the Catholics in the Philippines) does not always win. Might is not always right. In fact, even in seating arrangement, one side cannot be nearer the mediator than the other/s. Nor have a lawyer around (although discouraged) if the other/s do/es not. Each side has equal chance to prove their point and need/s.

At least in mediation, if not in religion, one is assured of fair treatment.

Iron Man

Robert Downey Jr., from the dumps of drugs decades ago, is again the highest-paid actor in Hollywood. That is another kind of high for Iron Man, his superhero role.

A mediator is like an Iron Man, too. S/he presses or smoothens the creases in human relationship situations. Of course, there is heat involving emotions and words. It is up to the mediator to provide the balm of understanding, forgiveness and compromise.

The rewards might not compete with the material gain of Iron Man but nothing beats the grateful hearts of once estranged human beings. Priceless!

Tit for atat

DAP is "getting curiouser and curiouser." Like a patintero game gone south, today's news says the Supreme Court refuses to release its members' Statements of Assets and Liabilities as requested by the Executive Depatment's Bureau of Internal Revenue. On television, the Legislative's Senate is grilling DAP's A-bad pointman,

When will they stop aiming poison darts at each other? Sometimes, don't we hope they are successful? Mataray ang matibay! But seriously, how long can we watch by? Meantime, Edita Burgos, the Maguindanao survivors as well as those in Cotabato, Bohol and Tacloban, to name a few, have grown numb from waiting.

As the Dean of Ateneo Law likewise said today, we cannot just march to death, and other exercises in futility and waste of energy, time and treasure. Let all the "magaling" sit down calmly, write down their brilliant ideas and send to the newspapers, the concerned person/agency, and/or change.org.  After all, netizens reacted to the Pandora's Box opened by surprise surprise Jinggoy Estrada!

Caisson Province

On my first trip out of the country, our KLM plane code-shared with PAL safely crossed the path of a typhoon over Casiguran. Thank God, "may kasiguraduhan!"

Last night, there was another natural calamity aggravated by human nature  in Quezon Province.  In the midst of the rain brought by Henry, word spread by text of  a coming tsunami.  Could have come from the pen of O Henry's surprise endings!

First, there was no earthquake that precedes tsunamis. Second, the towns concerned were inland. But people used to calamity could go on automatic mode, tend to panic or be anxious and not think or question much.

In mediation, each dispute is unique as far as disputants and details are involved. A conflict is not  like any other, even if of the same kind.  A mediator treats each one as on a blank slate.

S/he also has an inquisitive and insightful mind that is not caught up by loud assertions and outbursts of emotions, "signifying nothing."

Color Test

Philippine landscape is getting colorful again, ahead of elections 2016! Dress rehearsal?Cute but ineffective like the effigy and play on words.  Ribbon traders are the only ones happy with this development!

I would rather place my bet on Dr. Max Luscher's Color Test.  In his book with the same title, "the name 'functional psychology' has been given to the theories relating color choice to personality psychology." Interesting...

Why don't they just put all those ribbons in a vat of water heated by all their words for a new combined tie-dyed  creation? Mediation works the same way.

No Body Else Knows

As with all mysterious deaths, the victims bring their secret to their grave. Despite the recovery of the flight recorder box, there is still the tug-of-war for the remains of the passengers. There is also another angle being considered- that the airplane resembled Putin's, who could have been the target.  Or his way of portraying himself as a victim likewise.

Mediation is much like a detective story, too. Angles, right or obtuse, are thrown about. It would take the skill and insight of the mediator to sift through them. And the commitment of both disputants to lay, not lie, their cards on the table. For after all, it is their conflict that stands to be resolved.

Threat Regret

The second Malaysian Airline crash over Ukraine this time, still without the resolution of the first, brings another serious international matter to the fore. That is the threat of embargo and other economic sanctions brought up by the United States against Russia over  its Ukraine invasion a few days earlier.

Somehow the plane crash could in a way be connected to the threat. Experience has taught us that threatening even an animal could have disastrous consequences. It could  work on children maybe on the first few times, at best. That is why we tell teachers to save their voices by not shouting, "Silence!" Instead, we suggest they give the good example first, and wait till the class follows suit.

Threats incite retaliation, rebellion, and after a while, nonchalance.  Nobody wants to be told what to do, especially in front of the world press. Perhaps a person-to-person call between peers is best. Or an objective third party can get the two factions to sit down and shake hands and not arms.

Time-off

And lightenment early this morning!  Letting us appreciate it

So like in mediation, when in the fury of discussion, the mediatoreferee calls for a time-out. In extreme cases, to avoid further and even physical violence, the session can be reset for another day.

However, in manageable circumstances- and disputants, the mediator may opt to see the disputants separately. To be fair, they can toss coin as to whose turn is first.  The second disputant leaves the room in the meantime.

During this one-on-one caucus, the mediator seeks common ground between the two sides or at least their least common denominator, as it were. After the second disputant's caucus with the mediator, the latter compares his notes on the two caucuses for some middle ground.

In an optimistic world, a just and fair settlement is reached after these negotiations, arrived at freely by both sides who commit to abide by them.

Forces of Nature

Again we are beset with the mood of Mother Nature. We are reminded to take better care of what she has entrusted to us. Heed or face and suffer the consequences!

Human nature is just as demanding.  I know whereof I speak, coming from a career in human resources.  Some would rather deal with numbers or computers,  the better to get away from human traits, frailties and free will!

Retirement or rather rewirement was just an "ity" adjustment, too.  Mediation deals with humanity resources.

DAP-at

The raging issue of the DAP  emanating from Malacanang should be a test case for mediation.  Sides involved are the Executive vs the Supreme Court, with the Legislative caught in the crossfire of pay-all-ya.

Put another way, the dapats in life are a sure sparkplug of conflict. Dapat hindi/ginawa niya yun...  Worse, this statement is left unsaid, for the other person to divine/decipher/deduce.  But like the current ecology motto we can defuse/face/meet them halfway.

Power Struggle

Yesterday's brownout reminded me of the other power struggle in mediation. There two sides are in friction, bringing about another energy less desirable than electricity.

There are the raised emotions mostly negative toward the other side.  Likewise the rigidity of self-righteousness and the blame game on the opponent. Likewise the to and fro motion of accusations and counters or denials. So passions pick up to a crescendo leading to vindictiveness and exacting of Portia's "pound of flesh."

If reading the last paragraph was a drain, imagine going through such in real time!

Mediation in Schools

Schools after children leave their homes, are the next potential places of conflict.  Right now, bullies are in vogue, from the kindergarten tykes to the collegiate thugs.

Guidance counselors are in schools precisely in anticipation of these persons.  Initially, one student may seek guidance regarding an issue about him or herself.  Or a couple or group of students may be referred by their teachers for group guidance.

Counseling and mediation are parallel interventions. Both depend on their client's volition, even if referred by others, which they can refuse anyway.  Otherwise, their lack of goodwill won't  lead to their own solution to the issue or the resolution of their combined conflict.

Counselors and mediators are not advisers, just facilitators. And that is not facile really.

Post Mortem to Ninoy

Had Marcos agreed to talk with  Ninoy that August  1983:

1. Marcos might have lifted martial law;

2. He might not have died in exile;

3.There would not be a Ninoy Aquino International Airport;

4. Cory would not have been president;

5. Instead, Ninoy would have succeeded Marcos.

What a world of difference compromise would have made!

Goodwill

Two opposing sides need to have goodwill if they are ever going to settle their differences.  Case in point  is the Marcos-Ninoy conflict in the 80's.  Ninoy said that he just wanted to talk with Marcos.  He was not even allowed to step on Philippine soil.

Given that scenario, dissent had to be expressed creatively.  It can now be told that we unfurled the Marcos Resign tarpaulin in the Batasan, with other brave women. Earlier, we were also the students of the First Quarter Storm. At the same time, we were also protesting our college's phase-out.  At home, I was being told to break up with a friend.

That is the background we bring into our mediation advocacy.

An Off Day

One of those days when the muse took off to recharge lol

A Family Affair

We all know of families in conflict.  To paraphrase a biblical passage, "where two or three are gathered,  " there conflict is in the midst of them.   It could be our own. Or a relative.

One of mine practically used up all their inheritance they were fighting over, in legal and court expenses. Then we are almost embarrassed for  all the dirty linen exposed by prominint family members or show business personalities.

Here are some suggestions to these concerned.

1. The more exposure, the more hurt is inflicted, and the more disagreeable the other side becomes.

2. Playing up to the gallery is never a prudent legal advice.  No comment is the next best thing.

3. Check out your lawyer if s/he pushes you toward settlement or litigation.

4. If the latter, look for another, or better , a mediator first.

Other Expressions of Dissent

There are other attention -getting expressions of dissent at present.  Aside from the expensive papier mache effigies for burning by the poor militants concerned for the environment, some informal settlers have retrogressed to their tantrum-prone childhood whenever threatened with the truth about the ownership of the land they occupy.  They gather stones, bottles and other projectiles the night before the demolition.  So the next day, they bring out their arsenal on the persons carrying out the court order.  In the process, they lose more than what they had hoped to retain- their houses.  Some lose life or limb .

These are trite and tested to fail, except maybe catch the attention of the action-hungry media. They are predictable, too so ho hum to their targeted audience.

What mediation offers is a calm, cool, and kind setting for both sides of the conflict to discuss, negotiate and settle their disagreement.

How Conflict Starts

Conflict starts from differences between individuals or groups.  And different folks have different strokes of expressing dissent.

In current Philippine setting, these expressions have evolved from staid letters, more involved debates to rowdy rallies.

They have become even more creative.  They now burn an effigy of  their target.Efg has to be replaced by Hij- high justice!

Mediation is a more effective way to express and resolve dissent.

Musing with an "A"

Musing is defined by Merriam-Webster as "thoughtfully abstracted or meditative." Indeed, mediators have to rise above the din of the conflicting sides to have a dove's eye view and a soothing presence, too.

Musing is also recommended to come with an "A", i.e. humor.  It would surely lighten the heavy load brought by disputants to the mediation table.

It may come in the form of seeing the irony of former close relatives, spouses, colleagues, townmates, neighbors now practically at war.  What transpired? Is it reversible like clothes?

Then, we could have a closer look at the conflict.  At times, they fight over the innocuous things like the parking space for a row of apartments .  Children have tangled over parallel matter.

Which brings us to the root cause of conflict- failure to compromise..like in patintero before.

MEDIATION 101

Mediation as the word implies is going-between two opposing persons or parties.  And in the present Philippine judicial system, there is court-annexed mediation in Philippine Mediation Center (PMC) units all over the country.  They are usually housed in the Halls of Justice or the City Hall.  Parties in court cases are first referred to these PMC units pre-trial, in the effort to get the parties to settle before trial proper begins. We see this being covered by the evening news telecast of high-profile cases mostly of movie celebrities.

However, mediation can occur at any point before and after trial commences, in whatever level of court. While mediation is usually an intervention at the Municipal or Regional Trial Court, it can be likewise be done at the Court of Appeals or even the Supreme Court.  Even judges and justices are called to mediate cases under them.    

Rationale is the unclogging of the court dockets, already groaning with cases for trial and decision.  

A trend abroad that is catching up here is private mediation.  Trained and experienced mediators from various fields of endeavor are proactively preventing the filing of even more cases in court.  Counseling and psychological testing are also offered to disputants who come to mediation by themselves first.  Later on, they may bring the other party in their dispute, for mediation proper.

What happens in mediation?  Two (or more) disputants sit down calmly and rationally with an impartial and objective mediator.  The process is explained by the mediator.  Ground rules are likewise set and agreed upon by all. Then, both/all sides to the dispute are allowed to state their needs and interests being impeded by the other/s.  The mediator facilitates, monitors, summarizes each side.      

Negotiation then ensues.  The mediator motivates each side to lower their demands and meet the other/s half-way.  Otherwise, there is the likelihood of more losses in lawyer and court filing fees, breakdown of relationship/s, and other aggravations on time, patience, perhaps even threat to life.  In court, too, one wins over the other.  In mediation, both win, even if not as much as expected, although surely away from suit.

The settlement is agreed upon by the disputants themselves, who are the ones to implement them, anyway. Witnesses with filial, moral, professional, or religious ascendancy over disputants ensure their enforcement. Some publish their agreed upon action to placate the aggrieved party.  A legal back-up, too, is the filing of the settlement with the clerk of court nearest the residence of one of the disputants.