Keeping (Peace) with the Times

Kris TV today featured the latest, safest  and most creative articles for babies. These included mesh blankets to prevent asphyxiation, neck supporters, mommy tummy carriers, even chicken wing teethers! They really have to make raising 'em attractive, given the drive against reproduction!

So with peace-making. Gone are the dramatic, "Talk to my lawyer," or"See you in court." Instead, "Let us see a mediator."

Commom Cause

With Hongkong protesters now targetting mainland China over elections, it is a relief that they have momentarily forgotten the Manila hostage of their tourists in August 2010. Also, we are now in conflict with the same country. The Philippines has moved for arbitration with China over common territorial boundaries over the seas.

What if we had settled our conflict with Hongkong before this time? Wouldn't we be able to  rely on them now regarding our differences with China? These are the missed opportunities of protracted conflict.

Reverse with a Cause

Warner Bros.gave us a Sunday treat via cable- "Rebel With a Cause" featuring the late James Dean, Natalie Wood and Sal Mineo. No, they were not tardy, just stars of a really old movie. Lol The usual teenage conflicts had some twists. For one, an understanding police officer in the precinct doubled as a counselor to the troubled youth, in relation to their parents. Then, after an unfortunate dare went fatally wrong, it was the parents who were preventing their son from confessing, as he had planned to do!

Mediators, too, have to be open to possibilities, away from the "aways," and the type-casts. As St. John XXIII's battlecry was, "aggiornamento," openness before adjournment of mediation.

Change

Upon reaching a certain age, being set in one's ways becomes second nature.  This morning, for instance, my plan was to buy some things at Mercury Drugstore. However, I entered Generika instead, seeing it had just one customer and thus would not make me wait for long. For this novelty, I was rewarded by their offer of a laboratory services promotion!

Mediation is much the same way. The regular route to settle conflict is through litigation.  A better, less bitter way is to compromise with the other disputant, in the presence of an intermediary, the mediator. Guaranteed less waiting, too, for postponed court hearings and judge's decisions. And no loser, both sides win!

Linlangan

There is a missing link in the current controversy in the "itchy" city. Mr. Limlangan is "gerry-wandering," and becoming a person of greatest interest. Like Adam, he feels the need to hide.

In mediation, too, nothing is more suspicious than hiding self or something. As they say, if you have nothing to hide, then by all means, spill the beans than stalk away.

Talon-pati

A Pinay reared her enraged head during P-Noy's talk before Columbia University. As the cool President had said, she did not have a question but a speech! Harangue na kaluluwa!!!

Mediation has these moments, too. After cutting them short, we decide if these are sincere or selfish. At the end, who is to gain from this fast and furious minutes of gore?

Pure-is-him-ah & Co. B-nice

PNP Chief Purisima is providing company to equally embattled Vice President Binay. Both are accused of corruption. Ironically, both of them do not do justice to their names. Purisima denotes purity. Binay' s first name, Jejomar is the contraction of Jesus, Joseph and Mary. Jeez!

Mediators have to be wary of Pilates. And that is not the stretching of muscles, but of the truth! Washing off responsibility is not acceptable in mediation, but rather its acceptance.

Re: Venge

Now it can be told. The Aquino family's stoic behavior during the wake and funeral of Ninoy covered- up some deep emotions. P-Noy, the family's only son, revealed during his recent  Boston homecoming that thoughts of revenge entered his mind.  What if he acted on this thought? We would not have had his mother Cory and at her death, P-Noy as presidents.

It is wise to let go and let God. Of course, this does not mean just letting injustice be done. We have to seek justice in a non-violent and peaceful manner. And preferably non-litigiously, as in mediation.

Traffic in the Court

Sunday's Inquirer had an interactive article on solutions to the terrrrible trrrraffic problem. Mark Parlade was insightful in his recipe- "a little imaginative planning and consistency, and vigilance in execution." Mercifully, he did not add WHOM to execute. LOL. Mabel Mamba reinforced the use of "alternative routes," like the "Christmas Lane" before, but renamed. Brian Tenorio had proactively moved mountains- keeping a "home office/studio."
He used to"have meetings" aboard his van, too. Another innovation, he suggests, is to "telecommute, work from another location and send staff on the Internet."

How about the traffic in the court dockets? Mediation to the rescue! It is a mode of alternative dispute resolution that avoids litigation; requires a little imaginative planning, consistency and vigilance in execution, too; and involves creative, innovative problem-solving.

Option- al Parenthood

In an Inquirer article "A child custody guide for the single dad", Richard Cepeda Go had a thorough list of options for separated couples on how to share time with their child/ren.
First off, legal custody (involving decisions for their welfare) is differentiated from physical custody.

Under these categories, there could be primary or sole/complete custody, with "the noncustodial parent given limited access to the children."

Alternating custody divides the offsprings' year or week between the two exes' homes.

Joint custody (of author's experience) is more equitable. It is usual that one parent's "home becomes the primary residence, " especially if nearer the child/ren's school.

Split custody imposes separation also between/among the children, who are also allowed to see their absentee parent.

Bird's nest is not nido soup. Here, the child/ren stay put, while the parents take turns to visit. Like the soup, this has consistency for the kids, at least of abode and school travel.

Serial custody gives one spouse legal/physical custody, then hands them to the other spouse after some years. Consideration is made for children to be with same -sex parent during their teens. The other spouse has continued visitation rights.

Third party custody could involve grandparents or aunts/uncles when parents are deemed unfit by the court.

Combinations of the above are likewise plausible or feasible. Mediators can offer these samplers in the buffet of parenthood.

Typhoon Jejo-Mario

Advancing tomorrow's blog before its title is picked up by others. Two disturbances hit the Philippines this week- VP Jejomar Binay's answer to accusations of corruption, and the typhoon Mario.

Mediation can likewise be hit by forces beyond our control- natural/in-your-face, as well unnatural. To the latter belong the face- saving devices of stakeholders. Mediators are thus warned to always bring their mirroring technique of reflection.

Re'loca'tion of I S

That doesn't refer to the Islamic State's spread in Asia. But rather the transfer of informal settlers to safer homes.

Mediation also involves alternatives. These should be feasible/viable, doable, agreeable to all sides. Not a crazy idea, definitely.

Banker Bermudez on Saint Augustine

In his valedictory, the rewiring banker Bermudez quoted Saint Augustine, as saying, "Peace is the tranquility of order. When things are what they are naturally meant to be, there is peace even if there is deafening noise all around. When things aren't quite what they ought to be, there is no peace even if silence envelops the place."

St. Augustine has the mediator's mind and heart!  We are reminded of the force and fury accompanying demotions in the city. Two, we have the silent treatment employed by warring spouses or co-employees. Hopefully, these situations lead to the mediation table.

Aquino for Arbitration

The good news is that the European Union supports the Philippine move for arbitration regarding its common claim with Asian neighbors over parts of the China Sea, according to President Aquino during his visit to Brussels.

Alternative dispute resolution is getting global.  This, after the Philippines likewise subjected itself to arbitration over its conflict with the German developer of the NAIA III.
Mediation and conciliation are other modes of alternative dispute resolution.

Low I-I

During my time, I-I meant individualized instruction in progressive schools. The other day, there was mention of innovations index, with the Philippines ranking low. Actually, there is proof of this everywhere. Problems regarding flooding, traffic, and corruption remain, despite knee jerk solutions. Exceptions are the efforts of Singzon re rainwater control in Bonifacio Global City before, MMDA engineers studying and experimenting on ingenuous ways out of greed/gridlocks, and the late Mayor of Naga and DILG Secretary Robredo's participative constituency.

Mediation requires a high innovations index, too. Mediators are not "square," because they think out-of-the-box in the search for solutions to disputes.

pA-Tay, Nobody Wins

Another inspiring old movie seen on cable, we didn't even catch the title. It was a heart-warming narration of a young boy growing up in the 50's or so. Those were the days of simple toys like tops, which was his cherished acquisition at the World's Fair then. Of course, coming back home, he proudly challenged the neighborhood bullies to a race to the finish- which was straight to the sewer! Our hero then exclaimed, "A tie, nobody wins!"
In life's confrontation, he learned, there is going to be at least one loser, or both.

Contrast this with our hero's subsequent fishing experience with his father and buddies. There was abundance this time, for all to have a sure catch, after his father begrudgingly shared the choice spot for a bait.

This was admittedly the boy's "greatest summer," transforming him from boyhood's selfish endeavors to an adult sharing experience of win-win. Mediation paraphrased!

(Don't!) Lie to Me

There is a coming show on Diva cable network, Lie to Me, which we are eagerly awaiting.

That is something a mediator doesn't encourage disputants to do. In fact, truthfulness is the key to negotiations on the mediation table, as it should be everywhere!

Seconditional Chances

Talk about self-mediation. When I was new in the subdivison, I caught the neighbor's two helpers entering my yard to get palm fronds for suman. When I called their attention from my bedroom on the second floor, they replied that they didn't know somebody was in. No reason for breaking and entering!

Just the other day, though, one of those trespassers voluntarily let my wandering dog back
into my yard. She has turned into a dogherd!!! And thus been forgiven. I might just give her a suha from my tree, which they have all been eyeing, too.

Mediation is all about good will.

"Night at the Museum" Mediation

Inspiration is everywhere. Looking forward to watch Robin Williams again in the movie, "Night at the Museum,"  we were amused to see mediation instances, too. The night watchman character of Ben Stiller had to pacify next door diorama characters of the Roman Emperor Octavius and Jed of the Wild West. Ben stole them both from their respective showrooms and put them together to settle their conflicting aggressive traits. They reminded me of apartment dwellers in dispute over their common parking, or market stall neighbors at odds with each other for just about any reason. In the end, the two war freaks worked together, putting their common nature to use for the good of everyone in the museum.

Robin William's character of US President Theodore Roosevelt likewise showed Ben Stiller the effective way of retrieving the museum keys from the mischievous monkey, Dexter- by courteously asking for them. Works most, if not all, of the time, which is also a lesson for people in authority/power like guards. Btw, in real life, Robin Williams and the monkey became real life friends after the movie.

Miriam-ing Choices

Dark Mare presidential hopeful Senator Miriam Defensor- Santiago  is now identifying her choices for running mate. That is democracy (not crazy) in action. And freedom to dream-again.

Mediation is likewise open to suggestions, alternatives and angles. The more creatively realistic, the better and faster to arrive at an all-inclusive resolution of the conflct.

"Brain-to-Brain" Drain

Recently, there was an uber-tech experiment to transfer thought from a person in India to another in France. It was described as "using technology to interact electromagnetically with the brain".

How mediators wish they could communicate likewise their ideas to disputants on how best to resolve the conflict. While questioning, negotiating and caucus can be resorted to, in the end, the ball remains in the hands of both sides on how to end "their game."

(Ayoko) Akie Abe

Akie Abe is the First Lady of Japan. Scion of the Morinaga fortune, she owns businesses like a bar and confesses that her husband, the Prime Minister, has to help in the household chores. They live in their own house, not the one provided by the government, so they are not provided household staff.  Akie confesses to be "the opposition" at their home, too.

Mediators have to learn to deal with Akies during their sessions. Understanding social and cultural differences among persons involved in the conflict makes for smoother dealing with them. Know where they are coming from, to be able to lead them toward resolution of the dispute.

Cry me Joan Rivers

The untimely death of Joan Rivers, Fashionista Policewoman, was probably and secretly accepted by her numerous victims on E.

She personified what a mediator is not- poking fun on others' choices, sowing intrigue among her company, and focusing on the negative.  In the end, nothing was achieved except ill will and hurt feelings, even of her colleague Guiliana for dyed hair like Joan's, supposedly in her honor. So if mediators want to see how not to be, they can watch reflowing of Rivers.

Dynastic Correction

In keeping with today's Gospel reading on fraternal correction, a  Bishop called on the Binays to answer the corruption charges against them, instead of crying political persecution.

In mediation, too, it is better to answer charges or claims by the other side/s directly instead of imputing ill will on them. As the saying goes, why be afraid (to face the music) when you have nothing(like two left feet) to hide?   

Lose-o(u)t

The Binay bind is getting more constrictive. The building built by father and son when they were mayors one after the other, is neither world-class, green nor cost-effective. No more rationalization can be used, especially after comparison with other buildings and testmony of the contractor himself.

Sooner or later, not being up-front in mediation, too, catches up with the "frontwo/man." To save time and face, better to tell it like it is, from the start.

Choreographic Relief

Dr. Tayag of DOH has the makings of a mediator. In the midst of heated debate between lawmakers holding the purse strings of departments and its heads, he comes in and deflects tension by leading in some physical activity. It was like an ice breaker during trainng.

He reminded me of King David dancing to his psalms. But his son, King Solomon is more the poster man of mediation, in the celebrated case of the two women fighting over an infant.

F(l)ight

Lately, flyers have been in the news. Not the paper ones nor bats. But persons of interest. Interesting examples of the flight or fight reaction to conflict, and the theory of flight implying guilt.

Mediation is also witness to these approaches to dispute. Alibis, blaming, scandalous/riotus behavior are just some ways disputants deflect attention from themselves. Mediators, beware the march of these wiles!

Washington's Grace

We aren't referring to DC diplomacy.  This is about the brilliant idea of SGV's first letter Sycip of Grace Poe for President 2016.  Cried the maven, not yet. That was also what Cory said before the million signatures.

Thinking out-of-the-box is also a mediator's desired trait. In the face of proffered facts, s/he can look for blind spots not yet being considered. So there is a third side in addition to the two sides of the conflict.

Massaging Messages

Before the senators inspected the controversial Makati Parking Lot Building, some of the residents held a rally in support of its beleaguered builders. How they could prove their statements is another matter, though.

Mediators have to be likewise wary of claims by either side. As President Magsaysay used to ask, "Can it be defended in Plaza Miranda?" Or just a mirage. As they say, truth in advertising!

They are reckoning

Today's inspection of the Makati Parking Lot Building lent credence to the talk of its over-price. As in the saying, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, the proof of the over- price is in the seeing.

In mediation, there is also the need to fact check, as a news article.  The mediator cannot rely on assertions without firm bases. Days of reckoning or settling of accounts are inevitable.