Broken (Record) Plaka Vest

Another trouble is revving up the wrong highway in Quezon City. Motorcycle riders are up in bikes against a city ordinance calling for the wearing of a vest with the  plate number of the rider printed at the back.  One valid point against it is that it will be blocked by a back rider, who is really the  target, in the first place. My take on it is that these hoodlums could very well print the wrong number on their vests.

Is there omerta in our lawmaking that we always act when it is too late or almost fait accompli? But even if we missed the hearings during  the procedure, isn't there the loophole of motion for reconsideration , even up to the Supreme Court? That would take less gas.

As the Palace spokesperson said on another matter, "formal or informal talks (by the two parties) is a better alternative to war."

Self-Mediation

Like medication, mediation can be prudently administered to self, much like the featured "creative neighbors reinvent Pasay compound" in today's Inquirer.  In "The War of the Roses," Oliver and Barbara made a last ditch attempt to bargain with items precious to the other.  Alas, too late the hero/ine, wala ng alas, malas pa! (Without an ace, just bad luck)

Self-mediation is prescribed to couples or families with still simmering conflicts, not full-blown ones. I credit my pioneering spirit along this line not once but twice. Read and learn.

My incorrigible spouse, much like the employees I dealt with at work, wanted us to migrate to the States.  Figuring my mother-in-law awaited there and I had three children, two with yayas, I told my has-been to go ahead, make my life! As always, I did not follow him there.

After my honest-to-goodness sugar Daddy died, relatives from the province commented how rich I've become and that I got the choice cuts of Magnolia chicken, as it were. When it became feasible, I Let It Go, my Frozen asset i.e.

Self-mediation is agreement without the mediator.

Game of Thorns

"The War of the Roses" was reshown by My Movie Channel on cable last night.  Barbara and Oliver Rose fought to death, literally, over their house.  Their lawyer failed to mediate between them. That's what happens when barbed wire  takes over the olive branch.

The fine line between love and hate is most obvious in cases of close relationship.  They say propinquity breeds contempt.  To their credit, Oliver and Barbara sent their two children off to college before starting their war. In most cases, the offspring is caught in the crossfire.

Mediation douses the flames of discord.  The couple is made to realize what each really values and needs.  And their common elements- child/den above the property, real or surreal.

In the end, all that Oliver and Barbara needed was a ladder!

State of the (White) Elephant

It's carnival time in Batasan again!  Everyone wants to have a say on their part of the brown elephant, to put it nationalistically.  The left will make noise and burn effigies until they are finally riding on the elephant. Bobby Tuazon of CENPEG  speaks on television about what Noynoy should do and I agree, except that Bobby looks like Mike Arroyo, who could be a cousin? And did Bobby counsel his  Presidential cousin-in-law before? Only fashion designers would be forgiven to make a killing on the red carpet today.

Mediation involves as many sides as the blind man's elephant. The mediator acts like the circus elephant trainer, orchestrating the whole show. S/he motivates the at times obstinate beings to work together to achieve their objective.  Ultimately, though, it is the beings who must decide and make the move.

Nega Nego

Caught a news flash about kidnappers lessening the amount they were demanding for the release of their victims. I call it negative negotiation, since it involves sinister blackmail, pay up or else...Generally, we do not deal with them.

Negotiation in mediation, on the other hand, is positive as it tries to lower the expectation of both sides as to their legitimate needs as affected by the other side in the conflict. Each side is entitled to some recompense or consideration.

Kidnappers just have a sense of entitlement.

Minority Wins

I am ashamed of the Iglesia ni Cristo's Philippine Arena- for the Catholic Church.  It is a to-your-face challenge to do something, anything for your flock, aside from the cheap talk.

In mediation, too, the majority (like the Catholics in the Philippines) does not always win. Might is not always right. In fact, even in seating arrangement, one side cannot be nearer the mediator than the other/s. Nor have a lawyer around (although discouraged) if the other/s do/es not. Each side has equal chance to prove their point and need/s.

At least in mediation, if not in religion, one is assured of fair treatment.

Iron Man

Robert Downey Jr., from the dumps of drugs decades ago, is again the highest-paid actor in Hollywood. That is another kind of high for Iron Man, his superhero role.

A mediator is like an Iron Man, too. S/he presses or smoothens the creases in human relationship situations. Of course, there is heat involving emotions and words. It is up to the mediator to provide the balm of understanding, forgiveness and compromise.

The rewards might not compete with the material gain of Iron Man but nothing beats the grateful hearts of once estranged human beings. Priceless!

Tit for atat

DAP is "getting curiouser and curiouser." Like a patintero game gone south, today's news says the Supreme Court refuses to release its members' Statements of Assets and Liabilities as requested by the Executive Depatment's Bureau of Internal Revenue. On television, the Legislative's Senate is grilling DAP's A-bad pointman,

When will they stop aiming poison darts at each other? Sometimes, don't we hope they are successful? Mataray ang matibay! But seriously, how long can we watch by? Meantime, Edita Burgos, the Maguindanao survivors as well as those in Cotabato, Bohol and Tacloban, to name a few, have grown numb from waiting.

As the Dean of Ateneo Law likewise said today, we cannot just march to death, and other exercises in futility and waste of energy, time and treasure. Let all the "magaling" sit down calmly, write down their brilliant ideas and send to the newspapers, the concerned person/agency, and/or change.org.  After all, netizens reacted to the Pandora's Box opened by surprise surprise Jinggoy Estrada!

Caisson Province

On my first trip out of the country, our KLM plane code-shared with PAL safely crossed the path of a typhoon over Casiguran. Thank God, "may kasiguraduhan!"

Last night, there was another natural calamity aggravated by human nature  in Quezon Province.  In the midst of the rain brought by Henry, word spread by text of  a coming tsunami.  Could have come from the pen of O Henry's surprise endings!

First, there was no earthquake that precedes tsunamis. Second, the towns concerned were inland. But people used to calamity could go on automatic mode, tend to panic or be anxious and not think or question much.

In mediation, each dispute is unique as far as disputants and details are involved. A conflict is not  like any other, even if of the same kind.  A mediator treats each one as on a blank slate.

S/he also has an inquisitive and insightful mind that is not caught up by loud assertions and outbursts of emotions, "signifying nothing."

Color Test

Philippine landscape is getting colorful again, ahead of elections 2016! Dress rehearsal?Cute but ineffective like the effigy and play on words.  Ribbon traders are the only ones happy with this development!

I would rather place my bet on Dr. Max Luscher's Color Test.  In his book with the same title, "the name 'functional psychology' has been given to the theories relating color choice to personality psychology." Interesting...

Why don't they just put all those ribbons in a vat of water heated by all their words for a new combined tie-dyed  creation? Mediation works the same way.

No Body Else Knows

As with all mysterious deaths, the victims bring their secret to their grave. Despite the recovery of the flight recorder box, there is still the tug-of-war for the remains of the passengers. There is also another angle being considered- that the airplane resembled Putin's, who could have been the target.  Or his way of portraying himself as a victim likewise.

Mediation is much like a detective story, too. Angles, right or obtuse, are thrown about. It would take the skill and insight of the mediator to sift through them. And the commitment of both disputants to lay, not lie, their cards on the table. For after all, it is their conflict that stands to be resolved.

Threat Regret

The second Malaysian Airline crash over Ukraine this time, still without the resolution of the first, brings another serious international matter to the fore. That is the threat of embargo and other economic sanctions brought up by the United States against Russia over  its Ukraine invasion a few days earlier.

Somehow the plane crash could in a way be connected to the threat. Experience has taught us that threatening even an animal could have disastrous consequences. It could  work on children maybe on the first few times, at best. That is why we tell teachers to save their voices by not shouting, "Silence!" Instead, we suggest they give the good example first, and wait till the class follows suit.

Threats incite retaliation, rebellion, and after a while, nonchalance.  Nobody wants to be told what to do, especially in front of the world press. Perhaps a person-to-person call between peers is best. Or an objective third party can get the two factions to sit down and shake hands and not arms.

Time-off

And lightenment early this morning!  Letting us appreciate it

So like in mediation, when in the fury of discussion, the mediatoreferee calls for a time-out. In extreme cases, to avoid further and even physical violence, the session can be reset for another day.

However, in manageable circumstances- and disputants, the mediator may opt to see the disputants separately. To be fair, they can toss coin as to whose turn is first.  The second disputant leaves the room in the meantime.

During this one-on-one caucus, the mediator seeks common ground between the two sides or at least their least common denominator, as it were. After the second disputant's caucus with the mediator, the latter compares his notes on the two caucuses for some middle ground.

In an optimistic world, a just and fair settlement is reached after these negotiations, arrived at freely by both sides who commit to abide by them.

Forces of Nature

Again we are beset with the mood of Mother Nature. We are reminded to take better care of what she has entrusted to us. Heed or face and suffer the consequences!

Human nature is just as demanding.  I know whereof I speak, coming from a career in human resources.  Some would rather deal with numbers or computers,  the better to get away from human traits, frailties and free will!

Retirement or rather rewirement was just an "ity" adjustment, too.  Mediation deals with humanity resources.

DAP-at

The raging issue of the DAP  emanating from Malacanang should be a test case for mediation.  Sides involved are the Executive vs the Supreme Court, with the Legislative caught in the crossfire of pay-all-ya.

Put another way, the dapats in life are a sure sparkplug of conflict. Dapat hindi/ginawa niya yun...  Worse, this statement is left unsaid, for the other person to divine/decipher/deduce.  But like the current ecology motto we can defuse/face/meet them halfway.

Power Struggle

Yesterday's brownout reminded me of the other power struggle in mediation. There two sides are in friction, bringing about another energy less desirable than electricity.

There are the raised emotions mostly negative toward the other side.  Likewise the rigidity of self-righteousness and the blame game on the opponent. Likewise the to and fro motion of accusations and counters or denials. So passions pick up to a crescendo leading to vindictiveness and exacting of Portia's "pound of flesh."

If reading the last paragraph was a drain, imagine going through such in real time!

Mediation in Schools

Schools after children leave their homes, are the next potential places of conflict.  Right now, bullies are in vogue, from the kindergarten tykes to the collegiate thugs.

Guidance counselors are in schools precisely in anticipation of these persons.  Initially, one student may seek guidance regarding an issue about him or herself.  Or a couple or group of students may be referred by their teachers for group guidance.

Counseling and mediation are parallel interventions. Both depend on their client's volition, even if referred by others, which they can refuse anyway.  Otherwise, their lack of goodwill won't  lead to their own solution to the issue or the resolution of their combined conflict.

Counselors and mediators are not advisers, just facilitators. And that is not facile really.

Post Mortem to Ninoy

Had Marcos agreed to talk with  Ninoy that August  1983:

1. Marcos might have lifted martial law;

2. He might not have died in exile;

3.There would not be a Ninoy Aquino International Airport;

4. Cory would not have been president;

5. Instead, Ninoy would have succeeded Marcos.

What a world of difference compromise would have made!

Goodwill

Two opposing sides need to have goodwill if they are ever going to settle their differences.  Case in point  is the Marcos-Ninoy conflict in the 80's.  Ninoy said that he just wanted to talk with Marcos.  He was not even allowed to step on Philippine soil.

Given that scenario, dissent had to be expressed creatively.  It can now be told that we unfurled the Marcos Resign tarpaulin in the Batasan, with other brave women. Earlier, we were also the students of the First Quarter Storm. At the same time, we were also protesting our college's phase-out.  At home, I was being told to break up with a friend.

That is the background we bring into our mediation advocacy.

An Off Day

One of those days when the muse took off to recharge lol

A Family Affair

We all know of families in conflict.  To paraphrase a biblical passage, "where two or three are gathered,  " there conflict is in the midst of them.   It could be our own. Or a relative.

One of mine practically used up all their inheritance they were fighting over, in legal and court expenses. Then we are almost embarrassed for  all the dirty linen exposed by prominint family members or show business personalities.

Here are some suggestions to these concerned.

1. The more exposure, the more hurt is inflicted, and the more disagreeable the other side becomes.

2. Playing up to the gallery is never a prudent legal advice.  No comment is the next best thing.

3. Check out your lawyer if s/he pushes you toward settlement or litigation.

4. If the latter, look for another, or better , a mediator first.

Other Expressions of Dissent

There are other attention -getting expressions of dissent at present.  Aside from the expensive papier mache effigies for burning by the poor militants concerned for the environment, some informal settlers have retrogressed to their tantrum-prone childhood whenever threatened with the truth about the ownership of the land they occupy.  They gather stones, bottles and other projectiles the night before the demolition.  So the next day, they bring out their arsenal on the persons carrying out the court order.  In the process, they lose more than what they had hoped to retain- their houses.  Some lose life or limb .

These are trite and tested to fail, except maybe catch the attention of the action-hungry media. They are predictable, too so ho hum to their targeted audience.

What mediation offers is a calm, cool, and kind setting for both sides of the conflict to discuss, negotiate and settle their disagreement.

How Conflict Starts

Conflict starts from differences between individuals or groups.  And different folks have different strokes of expressing dissent.

In current Philippine setting, these expressions have evolved from staid letters, more involved debates to rowdy rallies.

They have become even more creative.  They now burn an effigy of  their target.Efg has to be replaced by Hij- high justice!

Mediation is a more effective way to express and resolve dissent.

Musing with an "A"

Musing is defined by Merriam-Webster as "thoughtfully abstracted or meditative." Indeed, mediators have to rise above the din of the conflicting sides to have a dove's eye view and a soothing presence, too.

Musing is also recommended to come with an "A", i.e. humor.  It would surely lighten the heavy load brought by disputants to the mediation table.

It may come in the form of seeing the irony of former close relatives, spouses, colleagues, townmates, neighbors now practically at war.  What transpired? Is it reversible like clothes?

Then, we could have a closer look at the conflict.  At times, they fight over the innocuous things like the parking space for a row of apartments .  Children have tangled over parallel matter.

Which brings us to the root cause of conflict- failure to compromise..like in patintero before.

MEDIATION 101

Mediation as the word implies is going-between two opposing persons or parties.  And in the present Philippine judicial system, there is court-annexed mediation in Philippine Mediation Center (PMC) units all over the country.  They are usually housed in the Halls of Justice or the City Hall.  Parties in court cases are first referred to these PMC units pre-trial, in the effort to get the parties to settle before trial proper begins. We see this being covered by the evening news telecast of high-profile cases mostly of movie celebrities.

However, mediation can occur at any point before and after trial commences, in whatever level of court. While mediation is usually an intervention at the Municipal or Regional Trial Court, it can be likewise be done at the Court of Appeals or even the Supreme Court.  Even judges and justices are called to mediate cases under them.    

Rationale is the unclogging of the court dockets, already groaning with cases for trial and decision.  

A trend abroad that is catching up here is private mediation.  Trained and experienced mediators from various fields of endeavor are proactively preventing the filing of even more cases in court.  Counseling and psychological testing are also offered to disputants who come to mediation by themselves first.  Later on, they may bring the other party in their dispute, for mediation proper.

What happens in mediation?  Two (or more) disputants sit down calmly and rationally with an impartial and objective mediator.  The process is explained by the mediator.  Ground rules are likewise set and agreed upon by all. Then, both/all sides to the dispute are allowed to state their needs and interests being impeded by the other/s.  The mediator facilitates, monitors, summarizes each side.      

Negotiation then ensues.  The mediator motivates each side to lower their demands and meet the other/s half-way.  Otherwise, there is the likelihood of more losses in lawyer and court filing fees, breakdown of relationship/s, and other aggravations on time, patience, perhaps even threat to life.  In court, too, one wins over the other.  In mediation, both win, even if not as much as expected, although surely away from suit.

The settlement is agreed upon by the disputants themselves, who are the ones to implement them, anyway. Witnesses with filial, moral, professional, or religious ascendancy over disputants ensure their enforcement. Some publish their agreed upon action to placate the aggrieved party.  A legal back-up, too, is the filing of the settlement with the clerk of court nearest the residence of one of the disputants.